Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
ohhsnapp 0
lol. see, thats why u should tan the normal way, out in the sun.
cutebebe778 0
WOW you guys..just, wow. Tanning beds do NOT cause skin cancer..for f*cks sake, the UV rays used in tanning beds are FAKE. You can only get skin cancer from tanning under the REAL sun, because the UV rays from the sun are 'mutagens' which alter your DNA when they go through you. A change in your DNA codons is what eventually causes skin cancer..and that's if you suntan way too much. So, no, tanning beds cannot cause skin cancer cause they are artificial sun rays that only change the pigment of your skin. If anything, tanning beds are much healthier and safer than tanning under the sun.
jessiebare 0
the tan comes from blocking the uv rays. so theres no way what you're saying is true.
Sappheyes 0
There are no such thing as fake UV rays. UV means ultraviolet, wavelengths of light above the violet spectrum, which human eyes cannot detect. If they were not real UV rays, they would not penetrate your skin, and thus would not cause the damage which forces your melanocytes to react by creating melanin to protect your skin. That is a tan: your skin responds to damage from UV rays by producing melanin to protect itself. Now, small doses can create vitamin D, which is very healthy for you, and perhaps a very light tan to provide some protection from UV rays, but overdoing it will break down the structure of your skin very quickly. Tanning beds provide more concentrated amounts of UV than the sun does, which is why you can achieve darker tans in shorter periods of time. Also, people who have used tanning salons are statistically much more likely to develop skin cancer. It's your freedom to take the risk, but be realistic about the danger. http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Tanning_Beds_May_Increase_Skin_Cancer_Risk.asp
FoundManyLemons 0
There is no such thing as fake UV rays. You are an idiot. Please continue to tan as much as possible. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun_tanning
purpleiscool 0
Wow 78/100 you are one big idiot. Tanning beds increase your chance of getting skin cancer because of the high dose of radiation, not to mention you are much closer to the source. You're a ******* douche, got to the CDC's website, even better, go to the skin cancer webiste(i don't know the name off hand). You obviously won't get cancer the first time laying in a bed. Please, go get the real facts about skin cancer, not the ones they tell you at the salon. :)
shosh_xoxo 0
wow and you found that on Wiki! haha thats some VIABLE info! lol NOT
purpleiscool 0
This coming from the person who thinks tanning beds are healthy.;) Wikipedia is actually a pretty reliable source. If you don't believe something all you have to go is research it.
notsofriendly 17
Really torn between gleeful laughter at the sheer stupidity of this and genuine sympathy for this person who is probably crisping herself to death - literally - believing she's safe...
Bullshet 0
YDI for being stupid enough to use a tanning bed in the first place.
Bullshet 0
77, You could not be more wrong. It has been proven time and time again that tanning beds are even WORSE than laying in the sun, because they speed up the tanning process. They use UV rays too (I can't remember if it's UVA or UVB.) Anyway, it's UV rays that cause melanin pigments to move to the surface of your skin, making you tan. Unfortunately, they also cause aging and skin cancer. Tanning beds don't use fake rays. If you can burn from them, they're very real.
O_HALEZ_NAW 0
You're completely right, but I think you mean #78.
tshieldsneils 4
burnt the shit out of your goodies, huh? you must never let them see sunlight, roflol!!!!
nuga 0
Why are you using a tanning bed if you live in Texas? I guess it would give you a more even tan than laying outside in the sun for 15 minutes, but it seems like a waste of money to me.
Squirrellord911 0
well... your not gettin lucky tonight. have fun łøbštęr bøÿ
mariacee 0
ick, tanning beds aren't the way to go...way too dangerous, as the people above me have said. my sisters used to go at LEAST once a week when they were in high school. i don't know about now though. #81, sometimes the comments are renumbered because some are deleted or something.
simplyfucked 0
ass and balls, ass and balls