Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
quietgirl 0
wow, I'm sorry. I bet your girlfriend feels like shit now.
lilkatana 0
FYI you don't need to be burnt to suffer DNA damage from UV irradiation. A tan signifies that you've already suffered DNA damage. Have fun with your squamous cell carcinoma.
CherishFlowers 0
Cancer can be caused by ANY radiation! Sun or tanning bed! There is no way to avoid it, unless you stay inside your whole life.
Kevaaan127 0
Not true. Using an SPF of 15 or higher is the way to avoid it.
jessiebare 0
sunscreen decreases the risk, it doesn't eliminate your risk at sun cancer. for example i use 60 spf everyday because i am allergic to the sun, but i still have a chance at skin cancer because i still tan and burn just the same as everyone else. and even if you stay inside by a window you can get skin cancer, it's not likely, but it is possible.
PureGold 0
As soon you stepped into that tanning bed, you were automatically saying "YAY!! Cancer! I'll take those concentrated UV rays with a side of my dignity, some skin poisoning, and a few deep-fried man parts, please!" Yes, that enthusiastically, too. Stop listening to your girlfriends advice. Oh, and every touch will feel like someone is branding you with a red-hot iron for a while. Two words: ALOE VERA
Kurmen 0
I find it funny how your names Crispy :L
21icefox 0
That really suck and u probably didn't need a tan. :P
CassandraBear93 0
... its called going outdoors, a much safer way to tan that won't fry your balls
stringoffail 0
I don't know if I believe this one. Balls don't generally get sunburned, even when the rest of you does.
O_HALEZ_NAW 0
The real FML is the fact that you let your girlfriend talk you into going to a cancer shop.
jmeg_fml 0
ow.