Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
shosh_xoxo 0
I am a tanning consultant... 1. Tanning beds dont give you cancer unless they are used wrong, It is a controlled environment IF the consultant knows what they are doing. 2. that person was a dumb ass, as a consultant you are supposed to know and ask questions... for example if a guy walks in you should suggest a lower tim so you dont burn their whiter spots. so its mostly her bad... you didnt know any better. so **** her and unfortunately you had to see the after effects. and why your g/f didnt give you a heads up... thats ****** up too. But LOTION AND MOISTURIZE LIKE CRAZY! NO JOKE! its wont peel. tanning bed burns are worse than real ones! so lots of lotion!!!!!
Iwannabetreo 11
They can always give you cancer. You're deadly wrong and you're misguiding people int thinking that it wont make the risk of getting cancer higher. .. Dude, sucks to be you. You should've asked someone.
Manny_B92 0
Tanning beds do give you cancer, just as much as the sun... and there's no way to avoid it, done right or wrong. Unless you only do it like once a month at the most, and even then you run the risk. It's all about the type of skin you have. People with whiter skin run more of a risk...
l4a4g89 0
Any type of burn OR tan increases your risk of skin cancer, including those obtained in a tanning bed. Is it the lady's fault that he got such a bad burn? Yes. I'd report that salon because they should not have let you do that. Could he blame her for skin cancer later? No. Try a spray tan, buddy.
O_HALEZ_NAW 0
REALLY?! Tanning beds don't give people cancer?! WTF.
Tsukasa_fml 0
Agree with #66. Why did they not tell him he needs to ease into it?
purpleiscool 0
You're a lying bitch. Tanning beds DO cause cancer, used "correctly" or not. They will give you skin cancer much faster than the sun, since you are much closer to the source of the rays. I hope you enjoy causing people to get skin cancer, no matter how treatable it is. To the OP: Enjoy getting skin cancer moles on your balls! Those will be fun to have removed!
shosh_xoxo 0
you are an ass okay. did you know that DOCTORS are now recommending it... I have had MULTIPLE people walk in with doctor notes say that the need light treatment for a skin disease they have.
maggy_fml 0
doctors give sugar pills and vaccine that makes people sicker. why trust them? xD
jbitch 0
Tanning bed doesn't "give" you cancer. It does increase the risk of cancer. It's not like Tanning bed --> CANCER!! It just damages your skin and you may get cancer in the later year, but it may not only be caused by tanning. So I guess what this person wanted to say was that if you don't over do the tanning it may not give you cancer? HAHA Doesn't mean it's perfectly safe.. also for eg.. Hair Dye is really bad for you It increases the risk of cancer to you know We are surrounded with things that "may" contribute to cause cancer in later life
LaLaJoy 2
Tanning in a tanning bed ONCE doesn't mean you're going to die of skin cancer. People who tan all the time are the ones who need to worry, but it's totally possible to get skin cancer if you take preventative measures like staying out of the sun as much as possible and wearing sunscreen. Just like it's possible to get lung cancer if you've never smoked. I just hope you don't think that someone with skin cancer "deserves it"... people are heartless on here, and in the real word as well....
purpleiscool 0
Umm, no. Tanning beds increase your chances of skin cancer by a lot. Deeper penetration of the rays, you're closer to the source, and at least outside there is still somewhat of an ozone layer, causing some rays to be reflected back.
turdburgers 0
You mean seasonal affective disorder? Seems pretty risky to me.
ncochrum 0
I'll bet sex would really suck with a red dick
MissJlk 0
the salon you went to obviously didn't hire experienced people. that would never happen
dirtyhippie 0
Exactly what qualifications would someone have for this job and how would the place make money except renting as much time on the beds as possible? Tanning is a mostly unregulated industry and it has been shown to cause cancer - it is concentrated UV rays afterall. Hopefully the first bad experience has saved you from repeat custom at the cancer shop
nikki1001 0
Tanning consultants SHOULD go through training, actually. At the very least, the tanning consultant should have been smart enough to realize he was new and tell him a little bit about it. When I went for my first time ever, the girl said to start at 3 minutes. Biiiiig difference from 15. What an awful salon if the workers don't even assist you.
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
um, I don't know if you've ever gone tanning, but they do NOT let you do what the OP did anywhere I've ever been. I'm one of those easily-tanned, never-burns people and it still took a few visits for them to let me work up to 15mins. Which, incidentally, was the maximum length allowed in the super bed.
mattmag 0
I've seen coin-operated unmanned tanning beds. Kinda like the coin-operated massage chairs they have in airports and malls and the like.
reki_fml 0
Hey #11 - don't take my word for it, here's some facts from the National Cancer Institute: http://www.cancer.gov/newscenter/tip-sheet-tanning-booths "Almost everyone who frequents a tanning salon is putting themselves at risk for skin cancer." Taking advice on safe tanning from a tanning consultant would be like taking advice on safe smoking from a cigarette shop. I'd prefer to trust the NCI, thanks.
nightswimmer 0
ow... ow ow ow... that sucks. alot. fyl
Xero3g 5
Never trust girls.
ObamaKitttyy 0
omg XD
ASUdec 0
Remember when fml used to be funny
Suckstbeyou 0
I never understood why not go to the pool or something like this and have fun? the sun is good for you! she makes you do girly things. or are you just a metro man like that? what's next pedicures?
danielleFML 0
:( that blows, but still clicked YDI.