Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
catatonicsleep 17
Why did you not wear underwear?
Chfanfiction 0
Why do you want a tan in the first place? Tanning is nothing more than destroying the skin and if you think it's healthy or it won't give you cancer, you're dead wrong. All if make you do is look brown.
Icalasari 0
I am almost certain that tanning is healthy if done right. It produces vitamin D, lowers risks of OTHER CANCERS, and the browned skin will help protect you against damage from the sun BTW, pretty much anything affects DNA Oh, anything is unhealthy if you have/do it too much. Heck, you can get OXYGEN poisoning
FoundManyLemons 0
You only need ~10-30 minutes of SUNLIGHT on the face and arms per day to produce adequate vitamin D, depending on how light or dark your skin is. Never mind the vitamin D in your milk and cereal in the morning. Blasting your whole body with UV rays is harmful, always.
purpleiscool 0
Dark skin does NOT block harmful UV rays from being absorbed. That is one common myth. Please, do some research. And like the other person said, it only takes about 10 minutes of sunlight to get your dose of Vitamin D.
shosh_xoxo 0
agree with 88
Kiwiscanfly 19
Browned skin will not help protect you against damage from the sun, browned skin IS damage from the sun. A tan is sun damage. Come on people, we learn this stuff when we're like 8.. Be sun smart! Which DOES include not going in tanning beds because tanning beds do in fact highly increase a persons chances of skin cancer.
chazstah 0
that'd be pretty sweet.. do u happen to have a lobster costume in ur closet? :D
DrunkenLullaby 0
FAIL!!
davdude12 0
Don't trust a hoe, never trust a hoe, don't trust a hoe don't trust me.
MorlekEngel 0
Why did you do that? Idiot
Jord111222333 0
hope your not sterile!
littlemisslee 0
enjoy your ass and ball cancer in the future. and, tell us how sexy your girlfriend is in 5-10 years when she has leathery skin and wrinkles from all that fake-baking.
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
lol @ 5years.
henri_fml 0
hey, its mister lobster butt! hahahaha!!
sharkshaveteeth 0
I am with Reki! That super sucks that the tanning salon didn't give you any advice or assistance at all and that your GF didn't let you in on at least a little before you went in. Tanning beds are gross so I would not advise going back if I were you though. Not only is it actually worse than UV rays from the sun, there was a local tanning salon that was in the news for people catching ringworm from the beds. Not worth it! FYL!