Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
Anubis94 24
be honest and up front, otherwise she'll think that is how it's suppose to be. Always remember to be nice as possible and it'll be fine!
Berber260 14
Did it feel like your penis was put in a blender?
JerryClark 17
You would know, right?
MonstreBelle 29
More importantly, will it blend? That is the question. Don't breathe the toxic dick smoke.
mattrd_fml 31
you should have told her the truth that it was hurting. I doubt she'd get mad. just advise her to cover her teeth next time.
GeorgiaBea 28
Communication is key dear... If you aren't willing to talk about it, you aren't mature enough to have it.
katina1236 20
You have to tell her. She won't know it wasn't enjoyable for you if you don't communicate with her. Just be honest it'll help her get better at it and won't hurt you as much
Kristen320 21
That bites.
bahamit 18
Not mature to talk openly about sex with a partner, not mature enough to have sex...
tj1540 16
That sucks?
Bluepies 24
I've never given one (I'm a straight guy), but from what I understand, keeping your jaw open enough for long enough can get tiring and sore. If it's your first *******, maybe it's her first too, and she doesn't know how it's done. Let her know nicely, say something like "You know what would REALLY drive me wild?!? If you tried..." Oh, and return the favor. That should go without saying.
bonermonkey 31
why didn't you just gently ask her to be gentler? it's OK to talk her through it. now she's gonna feel shit when she realised you just cringed all the way through it and didn't tell her
GeorgiaBea 28
Not to mention putting it on the Internet... For everyone else to cringe too.