Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
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Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
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Comments (127)
dragoongirl90 34
YDI because you weren't honest. How do you expect to ever have a good relationship if you don't help each other learn?
MoodyBlu 5
Rookie
spicyburrito 18
Hey you still got a ********
GhostFox 34
This is actually YDI in my opinion. Instead of asking her to stop and explaining what you like, you lied about her (lack of) skill. Worse, you did it in a way that will encourage her to perform the same way they next time she gives you one. Despite what **** shows, first-timers don't magically have sex god level skills for sex. It is a learned ability, and that means either learning by trial and error or by following instructions- neither of which you seem to have allowed. So, yeah, YDI for not communicating with your partner.
KILJOY310 11
That bites!
militarybrat 21
And you didnt tell her... Why? How do you expect her to learn?
cheeeksss 29
Exactly what I thought. I prefer getting feedback so that I can improve. If I found out my (hypothetical) boyfriend felt this way, I would want him to tell me.
AcrusaderA 10
then why don't you instruct her as to what you like? if you were biting her ********, wouldn't you want some pointers so that they can learn?
FelicityWishes 32
Wow and why can't you be honest with her???
MitiMiki 16
Good sex is about communication. She is probably just as inexperienced as you are. If something feels good, tell her. If something doesn't feel good, tell her. Same goes for her. Practice makes perfect!