Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
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Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
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Comments (127)
arich6210 22
It would hurt my feelings later on and embarrass me to know my boyfriend didn't enjoy the ******** And I think I would be a bit frustrated if he didn't tell me
Whatapuffchild 23
People who do it the first time almost improve with practice. So don't worry; it will improve and she might be the best ******* giver you've ever known.
vlad79 9
I'm going to say YDI! If only your relationship was strong enough to handle communication. Next time say something. Can't get better if you don't.
merryhappy1887 20
If you're going to lie to her you might as well dump her now. Obviously you don't trust her enough to communicate with her.
leogachi 15
@89 Lack of communication doesn't automatically mean lack of trust. Maybe he's worried about her reaction. He still needs to tell her, but you need to stop grasping at straws.
Benderama 8
Just tell her the truth, communication is important if you guys are going to get to learn each others needs in bed
domolovesyoshi 33
Why is everyone always too scared tell a partner what they like during sex or foreplay?
GhostFox 34
Because somehow talking about sex has become more socially taboo than actual sex? Because, heavens forbid, that people discuss what they like and dislike during sex or what sex they have had, or the risks they might be taking.
Crazynocatlady 22
Cue for all the "Communication is key" and other such boring comments. Blah blah blah.
writerchic85 26
This is completely your fault. You can't expect her to know what works and what doesn't if you lie to her. Good luck.
pandarae 12
Communication before during and after sex is important for a healthy sexual relationship. Now if you don't talk about it your young to get teeth every time.
sophie0908 16
I guarantee you that she knows you didn't like it and she probably feels pretty shitty rn. Next time don't give up, just give her pointers. She'll learn. Good luck op