Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
Tyrez 32
You know, the funny thing is there are places on the internet where you can learn how to do these things properly. Guess she doesn't care about you enough.
arich6210 22
Lol bc clearly she knows she isn't doing it correctly. How would she know if he didn't tell her?
Tyrez 32
Oh sorry, I forgot people were that stupid.
arich6210 22
Lol you'd be surprised how many guys are stupid enough to not know what to do down there. You've probably been one of them at one point
TheOnlyBuck 8
That sucks
lvg_fml 10
Talk to her. Tell her what you like. Always be sure to praise the positive and gently correct the negative. She'll get better if you communicate
megs925 16
Ah, rookie mistake.
Croooow 11
As with anything, if you don't learn what you're doing wrong, you'll always do it wrong. Next time, give her tips.
itsme82 18
Should have said something. Now you have put yourself in a very awkward position. Sucks for you
katertott 44
If you don't correct her now, you're setting yourselves up for disaster.
Memeosaurus 14
Swallow what? The skin her teeth ripped off your ****?
live2loveurself 11
Oh you innocent being
live2loveurself 11
Just tell her to be careful with her teeth
ohmyrosie 14
uhhmmm structural criticism never hurt anyone, especially if she's hurting you like that. ouch