Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
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Top comments
zarrganaut 17
Just tell her to be more careful. Laying off with the teeth isn't gonna hurt her feelings. Or at least it shouldn't.
justcommenting19 19
Why didn't you tell her how to do it right? If it's her first ******* too how is she supposed to know how to do it right?
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Comments (127)
Bob_Gray 6
Honestly, I put up with a little teeth the first few times, giving positive reinforcement as she got things right. I didn't want to discourage her from getting better. Not everyone takes friendly criticism well.
Cristian151 12
That isn't exactly beautiful
bad_boyfriend 10
If you don't feel comfortable saying "stop using your teeth, in hurts" to the woman with your dick in her mouth, you aren't mature enough for sex.
Elsapumkin 8
I'd recommend making loving suggestions so it doesn't hurt yiu but doesn't hurt her feelings either. so tell her it was good just less teeth please
LeonDaRealProfi 6
Girllssss are crazy when they have theor days. u never know.
wjohn717 13
Telling her in a nice way shouldn't hurt her feelings, my gf does the same thing occasionally and each time it happens I remind her or she can tell from the grimace on my face lol
oksureeee 8
That was sorta sweet of u
KayleeFrye 39
It's not a magical skill that every girl automatically knows how to do. A simple, "Sweetie, don't use your teeth," can go a long way. You're obviously too immature for sex if you can't say something like that. You don't have to embarrass her or be mean.
Dustmop 18
All these people saying how the hell is she supposed to know. She should know! My god it doesn't take much to get advice, Look up tips. I learnt not to use my teeth before I even gave my first *******. Sexual things are plastered everywhere over media, Talked about with friends.
BloodyGlass 10
You know, a little communication goes a long way. X)