Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns... - FML

By daddy-o - 14/03/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 790

You deserved it 20 837

Fête de la Musique: Notes et Négligences
When melodies meet misadventures, the Fête de la Musique becomes a symphony of laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Cold open

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 627

You deserved it 15 766

By themarrowguy - 23/08/2013 10:06 - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 158

You deserved it 4 352

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 07:19 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 086

You deserved it 3 521

By Tweety - 09/04/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 885

You deserved it 8 510

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 088

You deserved it 1 283

Blockages

By jakestorm - 04/09/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 374

Sweet relief

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 03:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 614

You deserved it 1 561

By DaChief - 31/05/2016 03:17 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 366

You deserved it 1 093

Bad sign

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 783

You deserved it 10 016

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 778

You deserved it 2 189

Next

Top comments

brokenangelexy 13

Wednesday 14 March 2012 16:09

Don't be silly wrap your willy!

tencentsakiss 19

Wednesday 14 March 2012 16:11

I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.

Comments

MainPrism 16

Wednesday 14 March 2012 23:49

Oh yeah, almost forgot one more thing... YDI dumbass!!!

ArabFML 3

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:02

Don't be silly, wrap your willy!

1R1X0X0 10

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:09

God bless America! I was laughing so hard about the condom jokes I nearly peed my pants.

RedCamaro10 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:20

I must say, this is definitely the funniest way I've ever heard of saying "I got my girlfriend pregnant."

Teeheeyoufail 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:32

Make sure you have latex before you have sex ;)

mimerino 9

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:35

Wow that's a super funny way to put it...

ReaperUSMC11 5

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:47

It's a life changer, that kid will be both you and your girlfriends life once it's born. You don't know what love really is until you have a kid. Good luck!

pinkrockz 3

Thursday 15 March 2012 1:21

But you caused a terrible 8month parasitic disease?how does that work

anarchistpunk 3

Thursday 15 March 2012 1:25

Awwh You're so sweet! You made her all better!..for 9 months.

brando1983 9

Thursday 15 March 2012 1:25

No one ever got pregnant by swallowing...I'm just saying.

8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

Keywords

Work Annoying Management Relatable Transportation Weird Cars Sex Love Kids Abuse Singing Miscellaneous Embarrassing Roommate Music Farts Health TV shows Dogs Animals AITA Sports Cheating Death Awkward Family Money Cute Doctor

The Top

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 434

Today, while doing chemistry, I was repeatedly reprimanded by the teacher for holding the test tubes higher than my partner's head. I'm 6'2, and the person I was assigned to work with is about 5'1. You can't switch partners unless your partner is absent or gets pulled from the lab for being a dangerous idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 126

The Top

Today, I found out that when my ex needs motivation to go to the gym, she posts a picture of herself in a pair of huge pants with the caption, “NEVER AGAIN!” Problem? They’re my pants, that I'd left at her place after we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 189

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 269

You deserved it 48 079

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 2 588

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 835

You deserved it 5 522

Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature because of one subtle anatomy mistake the author made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 864

You deserved it 9 117

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 290

You deserved it 458