Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns... - FML

By daddy-o - 14/03/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 790

You deserved it 20 837

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Same thing different taste

Cold open

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 624

You deserved it 15 766

By themarrowguy - 23/08/2013 10:06 - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 156

You deserved it 4 352

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 07:19 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 3 521

By Tweety - 09/04/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 884

You deserved it 8 510

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 086

You deserved it 1 283

Blockages

By jakestorm - 04/09/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 373

Sweet relief

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 03:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 1 561

By DaChief - 31/05/2016 03:17 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 365

You deserved it 1 093

Bad sign

By ITalkGood - 28/12/2009 00:37 - France

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 781

You deserved it 10 016

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 775

You deserved it 2 189

Next

Top comments

brokenangelexy 13

Wednesday 14 March 2012 16:09

Don't be silly wrap your willy!

tencentsakiss 19

Wednesday 14 March 2012 16:11

I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.

Comments

cajekraze 7

Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:59

I don't normally condone this, but you should get her plan B. Stupid people should not breed

immaMonsta 8

Wednesday 14 March 2012 20:05

You're so thoughtful OP! Now hopefully you can cope with the long term effects of this "illness" you cured!

Caretaker21 4

Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:36

Oh so you've got the magic stick huh?

sulhaq 4

Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:41

Wow. I seriously don't understand how almost all of you are assuming he didn't use protection. Did he say he didn't? We dont know. Condoms can fail you know....

starrnao 15

Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:48

If you weren't using any kind of birth control, I have no sympathy. If you were, bummer! Sorry for the rude awakening OP

pinkpixie06 11

Wednesday 14 March 2012 19:55

Hopefully, after you meet the little one, you'll find that having a baby isn't the end of your world...it's the most wonderful beginning!

Smokohauntas 3

Wednesday 14 March 2012 20:44

Don't make a mini-me, get a vasectomy.

Jessic1 5

Wednesday 14 March 2012 20:58

Congrats dude!!

BigRob3069 0

Wednesday 14 March 2012 21:04

Meh.

fioirene 4

Wednesday 14 March 2012 21:02

Wow u must be happy to be a daddy!!! And u didn't "curve her" u just forgot to put a condom on....

5t3ff1k4h 44

Wednesday 14 March 2012 21:46

You're right, he didn't curve her. He "cured" her.

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The Top

Today, I have a keyboard that randomly jams. If it happens while I'm typing, it will spam said letter for an extended period of time, and nothing I can do makes it stop. It can happen to any key, even the spacebar. It also happens often enough that it goes from mildly convenient to really fucking annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 300

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 57

The Top

Everything is under control...

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 97

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 37 166

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 875

You deserved it 28 282

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 1 085

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 366

You deserved it 4 495

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 925

You deserved it 14 820