Love: Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 89

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 1 218

13/08/2009 05:23

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 762

You deserved it 6 572

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

Batman

16/10/2012 11:28

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 720

You deserved it 12 839

09/03/2013 06:16

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 773

You deserved it 3 774

10/02/2017 15:00

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 799

04/01/2011 20:09

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 254

You deserved it 8 037

10/11/2015 22:15

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 1 744

21/07/2009 12:03

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 521

You deserved it 12 560

28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 796

You deserved it 1 733

29/10/2013 22:09

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 793

You deserved it 2 790

12/01/2010 02:25

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 283

You deserved it 40 688

07/07/2016 07:15

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 555

You deserved it 1 445

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 23:04

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 337

19/01/2011 19:19

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 9 467

15/10/2013 15:51

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 653

You deserved it 5 566

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 187

18/05/2011 11:47

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 831

You deserved it 10 554

20/02/2010 05:30

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 2 752

20/04/2011 02:21

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 547

You deserved it 8 652

29/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 137

You deserved it 433

Priorities

By ill - 02/10/2009 17:18

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 473

You deserved it 3 592

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 291

You deserved it 82 993

27/07/2016 18:40

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 445

You deserved it 923

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 1 008

24/06/2014 02:26

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 678

You deserved it 4 745

05/09/2013 15:49

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 535

You deserved it 12 204

29/12/2011 18:39

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 850

You deserved it 3 046

Oh well, maybe next… year?

By Suzi_d16 - 20/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Unfortunately, it was cancelled because of the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 258

06/04/2009 04:39

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 256

You deserved it 11 141

Nice

By happypineapple - 17/07/2014 03:31

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 626

You deserved it 19 848

10/03/2012 05:12

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 476

You deserved it 2 392

29/07/2009 04:03

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 957

You deserved it 20 303

15/04/2013 05:11

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 53 362

04/09/2015 04:40

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 583

You deserved it 2 242

30/04/2011 08:51

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 4 602

29/07/2017 19:00

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 389

You deserved it 437

Overreaction

By rejected - 13/04/2012 05:09

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 744

You deserved it 9 123

Smash the patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 428

17/03/2009 14:42

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 117

You deserved it 24 483

12/05/2016 10:22

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 1 574

They grow up so fast these days

By Greg - 08/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 117

01/11/2014 05:47

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 16 496

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:07

Wow, FYL. She's a real catch...shoulda dumped her sooner. Take back the stuff she bought you! They were all gifts, after all.

XOfiestypixie 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:09

Tell her she owes you the money.

Comments

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:07

Wow, FYL. She's a real catch...shoulda dumped her sooner. Take back the stuff she bought you! They were all gifts, after all.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 21:01

It doesn't take much logic or insight to see that SHE broke up with him... since she had ALREADY sold 'his' stuff?!?!? It's cool to give back stuff, but you can't really expect to get stuff from the other person. Since she 'agreed' to give it back but didn't, she deserves some street justice. Get ALL your friends to text her like 10 times a day w/ "Give him the $$ for his stuff!" Call her folks, late at night. Call her boss if she's got a job... Finish what she started.

Martianrobot67 0

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Thursday 18 February 2010 15:43

first of all, shes a bitch for seeling your shit. second, you better ask her for that fucking money then!! im serious dude if shes willing to throw away 8 months like that then its gonna come with a price.

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Sunday 2 May 2010 2:36

sue that hoe for getting rid of yur property

Nonamerequired 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:07

Why did you agree to return the gifts in the first place?

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:20

my thoughts exactly! what are you? 13 years old? You don't exchange gifts back when you split up! Thats kiddie shit.

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Friday 14 August 2009 5:02

Agreed, it's just stupid is what it is. Hell, when I was a kid I never asked for stuff back, that's just pathetic.

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Saturday 15 August 2009 19:44

for real, OP is an indian giver, but still F his Life for spendin so much money and expecting it back

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:07

holy crap, good thing you broke up

XOfiestypixie 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:09

Tell her she owes you the money.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:19

Either ask for the money back or take all the stuff back.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 17:03

She sold the stuff, it's kind of hard to just ask for it back. :/

Chvdl 0

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Thursday 13 August 2009 22:52

#31. #6 was talking about the stuff the OP was returning to his ex-girlfriend, not the stuff he was supposed to get back

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:20

FYL, shes horriable. ask for the money from her

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:21

how much stuff did you buy for each other when you were only together 8 months?

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:23

YDI for giving your girlfriend Clay Aiken underwear!

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:25

Wow. What a bitch.

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Thursday 13 August 2009 16:26

How much could you have bought in 8 months? Sounds to me like she's holding on to your stuff? Maybe she aint over you =P