Love: Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her...

By pickit - 25/02/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 20 783

Love

Good kid

Taking stock

Mama's boy

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 1 483

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 577

By ebe - 15/05/2019 14:08

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 139

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 663

By bastardddd - 11/04/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 6 363

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 20:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 416

You deserved it 6 418

By OG Pinecone - 23/07/2019 20:11 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 17:55 - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 839

You deserved it 46 567

By loserface23 - 28/05/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 643

You deserved it 3 951

TMI

By ew. - 17/08/2010 04:28 - Canada

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 176

You deserved it 4 842

By Ataraxia - 01/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 980

You deserved it 34 022

By hoody - 22/01/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 414

You deserved it 5 890

By PEGASISTER FOR LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!!!! - 08/06/2012 21:30 - Mexico

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 387

You deserved it 5 035

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 878

You deserved it 4 462

Tindersticks

By noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 348

By EPICfml. - 02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 521

You deserved it 13 492

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - 05/01/2018 05:00

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 458

You deserved it 850

By what the fuck, mate - 30/09/2012 19:00 - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 2 548

By baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 138

You deserved it 4 474

By silver - 22/07/2018 02:01

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 855

You deserved it 250

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 825

You deserved it 2 610

By Qwerty - 28/06/2011 16:10 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 5 270

By Anon - 05/01/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 4 632

By lemonadedisguise - 18/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 22 553

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 180

You deserved it 1 675

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 716

You deserved it 5 648

Spawned a monster

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 17:00

Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 338

By Irritated - 12/09/2016 15:29 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 766

You deserved it 857

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 658

You deserved it 4 168

By smartgirl - 01/05/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 458

You deserved it 5 462

By Ginger_Gawd - 21/01/2014 03:34 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 455

You deserved it 45 929

By hungry - 01/01/2015 05:50 - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 670

You deserved it 3 981

By clo_bo - 30/08/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 179

By EnemyofKarma - 04/03/2010 08:52 - Canada

Today, I marched into my workplace yelling "take this job and shove it", under the impression I would be on a flight in a few days out of here. However, the airline has informed me I cannot fly until April because cargo is too cold for my dog this time of year. Jobless, four weeks to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 261

You deserved it 37 299

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 14:09 - United States - Concord

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 002

You deserved it 25 172

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 12:43 - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 846

You deserved it 8 014

By sexisdead - 31/07/2016 17:16

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 1 856

By NickC - 29/11/2009 00:40 - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 102

You deserved it 14 932

By Kiki - 08/03/2013 21:22 - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 5 553

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 346

You deserved it 47 781

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Top comments

ActionManly 11

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:40

That zit made her bit of a tit, and she had no wit, and your no longer with it, so be thankful for it :)

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:53

You pointed it out because you genuinely didn't believe she was already aware of it? You suck.

ActionManly 11

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:40

That zit made her bit of a tit, and she had no wit, and your no longer with it, so be thankful for it :)

ilovebradiew 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:47

haha that rhymes :) and she;s a biatchhh :/

ps2stony 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:54

you shoulda just bit it off while you kissed. it's better that way

CallMeHush 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:56

^^^^and swallowed the evidence.

oogyboogy 6

Thursday 25 February 2010 10:01

number 7 I think he was trying to LOL

xnty 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 10:12

she's a zit wit, i hope u alrdy hit it. if not forget about it xD

Cristaderzi 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 10:45

Lol Nice lyrics LOL

babybubz 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 13:15

#11 that is DISGUSTING! 

Rustbin 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 13:23

I nearly puked because of those #11 and #14. Thanks.

CallMeHush 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 15:15

Anytime ;)

brianred5 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 16:16

well if what you shouldve done is not say anything and if someone says something about your girlfriend you kick there ass. ydi for handling this situation wrong

MetroidSlayer01 8

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Thursday 25 February 2010 17:21

@24, "it" does not rhyme with "it" fail!!

theian01 3

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Thursday 25 February 2010 17:24

If your Limp Biscut it does.

jake_fml 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 20:34

limp diss ftw

pipp360 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 3:36

today, my douchebag boyfriend thought it would be funny to point out a cold sore that I've been self concious about for about two years. fml

crazycornn 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 5:50

lol 11 and 14 that's so kinkeehh...

FYLDeep 25

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Sunday 28 February 2010 10:39

"Holy Zit!"... what did I say honey? No I was only trying to point out the little pimple on your cheek.

tman188 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 3:03

what did u expect, she's a girl (hopefully)

clairesucks 37

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Friday 27 February 2015 12:01

#165 so your saying its bad if OPs dating a guy? Cmon, it's the 21st century

mama2b3 20

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:40

that sucks! the other day i had a rather noticable zit and my bf said"whos ur friend" i just brushed it off, silly reason to dump someone.

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 14:22

It is a dumb reason to break up. Although I don't know why OP pointed it out. Did you think she didn't notice the thing?

TryToBeKind 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 19:30

If OP's boyfriend noticed it she should have popped it or had OP pop it. If she's so sensitive and embarrassed about it, you'd think she'd do something about it.

il0velamp 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 19:40

If it was a "zit" In the mouth area, chances are it was no zit, more than likely it was a cold sore, aka herpes.

Reyo 2

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:41

ohhhhhhhhh I smell crazy...

iGreen_Day 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 21:12

You deserve it! A better girlfriend, that is.

YayForGravy11 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:44

YDI for being so rude! I'd be upset too if my boyfriend pointed out a zit on my face haha.

corme_fml 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 15:30

Or a booger or something in your teeth? And women wonder why guys never open up and talk about shit.

cassidy420 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 9:45

he wasn't being rude at all. it's not a big deal and it's definitely not a good reason to break up with someone for. some girls just get too butt hurt over dumb shit...

lettertjes 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:45

She was just looking for an excuse to break up with you.

purgarus 6

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Thursday 25 February 2010 10:50

^^^^ this

bridgette5866 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 13:29

Hahahhahah yeah, nice.

muffinsareyummy 1

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:51

DUDE, do you not have any common sense? You're not supposed to point out a woman's flaws! We're already insecure enough as it is, man.

Hanban 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 11:06

Correct. And she may be having PMS at that time, thus her instant break up with you.

purpleisacolor 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 4:18

ah, women. op what ive learned is, 1. never, ever, point out flaws. ever. 2.even if you mean to help, dont say anything, unless u know they dont know. even then sometimes dont. 3. Know the time of month! lol it helps 4. the girl is always right. either that or ur more wrong. 5. if they ask something like "do i look fat?" neeeever say yes. there goes my last gf. 5. follow this list and u wont neccesarily be happy, but u will later XD 6. never make lists of 7!

ToxicTyrael 26

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Wednesday 20 May 2015 23:01

WTF #9? I hope you have something inbetween your teeth and nobody tells you and you find out after 12 stressfull hours with lots of important conversations where you had to make a good impression! Seriously he wanted to help her to avoid 'not being flawless' so please calm your tits.

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:53

You pointed it out because you genuinely didn't believe she was already aware of it? You suck.

okeetard 2

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Thursday 25 February 2010 10:07

no u suck

garuru 4

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:54

hey hot stuff snicks ;)

jamie_leeann23 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 9:55

ew, she's a bitch.

eduardo2k 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 10:00

last time my gf had one next to her mouth, i ddnt even kiss her used to b good til i realized girls like assholes lol jk

Vitamin_C 0

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Thursday 25 February 2010 12:45

No, desparate girls with no self-esteem will put up with assholes. Normal self-respecting girls will kick you to the curb.

liveloveandownit 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 2:08

unfortunatly 70+% of women fit that catagory. Or else they want a project man to fix from asshole to a prince.

BellaBear90 27

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Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:55

My boyfriend is neither an arsehole or a project... ^^^ very childish way of thinking, you'll change your mind when you grow up and find someone you love.