Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
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Top comments
PoshLife_Cross 5
That's cute.
xlittlemiss 0
LOL. Well you can't blame her. She's only 5.
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Comments (183)
somewizdom 15
Smart kid.
sjhill 32
awww! maybe you have to be a bit clearer next time :P
konstantinos616 17
Yea might wanna specify next time. She is only five so what do you expect her to do?
amam96 7
Is she blonde?
2ndSucks 15
No, she's five.
desireev 18
Are you seriously that ******* stupid??? You are such a moron! She is a 5 year old child!! Grow up and say something smart you dumb ass!
kelljay 0
Im not even blond and this comments still pissed me off
lajaynay 15
I'm a brunette and I got the **** over this comment. :) Obviously just an idiot anyways.
lalamike25 0
Stop being retarded people, it's a blonde joke. They're everywhere. I'm blonde and that made me laugh my ass off. Who cares?
xcarxcrashx 9
Seriously peeps, chill out. It's a blonde joke get over it.
deadeyedex 6
I knew to throw up in the toilet when I was five god they are not that dumb.
icefshng8 9
5 year olds can be blonde too...
kayla22098 3
One of the smartest people I know is blonde.
konstantinos616 17
Screw off 18
pdHbq 2
I hate this stupid stereotype that blondes are idiots! No i'm not blonde i'm just not a blonde hater. Some people need to grow up...
Emperorerror 8
It's not a stereotype, because nobody actually thinks that. Lmao.
pdHbq 2
I had an agro spaz =3 Forgive me by thumbing this down
MissBBGoodGirl 0
My 4yr old cousin threw up for the first time, looked at my aunt laughing and said "Mommy, what happened?" Needless to say op, don't be mad, in her mind she was obeying orders, plus you can't always control when vomit comes up.
MissBBGoodGirl 0
I forgot to add that she's only 5, she didn't know.
Characterise 0
it's not literally first time when you wind babys they throw up... sometimes
meanmachine888 0
She did what was asked of her.
poppylamonzo 0
You're orange..
chelseaaababyyy 17
she doesnt look orange ? i think she looks pretty.
flockz 20
time to get the shammy.
rexgar2000 10
it's ok. she's got mommy to clean it up. :)
bubo_fml 11
"Daddy? Does this mean I gotta put my head in the toilet everytime I hafta shit?"
Nutty4Muffs 3
That was so ******* stupid, and please DON'T try again.
Justin23L 2
0/10
mauguster 15
"does this mean no one likes your comment?" yes it does
sirwinnicky 0
You raised a Retard