By blazer - 30/06/2009 00:40 - United States
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YEA SHE PROBABLY WANTED TO HAV SEX but if she already done it...eeww
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YDI FOR RAISING YOUR KID UP BADLY
Oh, come on. Right now, telling her to save it for marriage is not "being a good mother" anymore. If you really want to help your daughter so she doesn't do anything stupid, you have to talk to her and guide her on why it is necessary to be responsible and mature when it comes to sex. Telling her she just has to wait until marriage will make it worse because, let's face it, it's really NOT going to happen that way. So it's better if she at least knows when she is really ready to do it and how to make things right.
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Maybe she just wanted to have sex? She is TWELVE YEARS OLD! She shouldn't even know what sex is!
#321 - Well, at age 12, saying to wait until marriage, and completely blocking it out of her mind temporarily is a good thing. Putting a ton of information in her head will just make her start even earlier. As long as you educate your child before they start, you'll be okay. But 12? That's too young. Maybe in a couple years it would be reasonable...IMO.
She shouldn't know what sex is? She's 12, not a toddler. A lot of kids go through puberty before they're 12, they should probably know a few things before that. Children should learn about sex early, not fully detailed at first of course, but at least know the basics and what it's for. People like you piss me off. The way to prevent people from making mistakes is not to pretend that it doesn't exist, it's to educate as much as possible so they can make the correct decisions for themselves.
I agree with #95. It's very unlikely she's already had sex (I mean she's 12, that would just be disgusting!) but she clearly doesn't agree with you telling her to only have sex after marriage. I hate the whole "no sex before marriage" thing anyway. It's really old-fashioned, and who wants to have sex with only one person in their whole life? How is that living? You probably should have given her a better answer. 16 or 18 (depending on where you live) is the usual age of consent.
You'll definitely one of the pregnant girls when you're in high school. I'm 13 and won't be losing my virginity in years. And the reason is not that I can't find a guy, or I'm too religious (I'm agnostic), or anything like that. But 12/13 is way too young to be having sex. It is NOT "normal" at all, it's just sick. Most of the girls I know haven't even had their period yet, and almost every other girl at my school freaked out when they showed Sex Ed tapes. I remember 2 years ago, when everyone had to see some of these tapes, a girl in my class who was completely traumatized by learning about the male reproductive system. Most girls at this age are NOT READY for sex, even though they might think they are. Maybe it's just for wanting to grow up too fast, but that doesn't change anything. Chances are NOBODY around this age would be able to handle something like being pregnant or having an STD. Also, while I am more mature, both physically and mentally, than basically every girl I know my age, I still would not have sex, because 1) I'm only 13, and if something were to happen like, say, getting pregnant, I wouldn't be able to handle it at all, and neither would anyone else my age, and 2) I have morals. I care about myself, which obviously you and all the other girls who have had sex at this age because it's "normal now", mustn't, or you wouldn't be having sex at all. I do not, nor will I ever, understand why any girl would have sex this young, whether people think it's "normal" or not. I feel truly sorry for somebody who is completely willing to give up their virginity at such a young age.
It is but it isn't, so many young people now a days do have sex. I did when I was twelve, and I have learned that it was probably not the best choice to have made at such a young age. You are still a child, you still have a ton of growing up and maturing ahead of you. It is very sad that today's society believes that you have to give up you're virginity in order to be "cool" or to "fit in". I made the decision for different reasons. I am still with the same guy that I lost my virginity to when I was 12 (however, did not tell my parents until I was much older...just a few months ago), but we are now both 18 years old and engaged to be married to each other. The thing is, my parents (both mom and dad) taught me about how to stay safe, and to be careful, even though they where thinking that it was for my future and not my present, unlike a lot of young people today, who have little education in the subject. 12 is an awkward age, believe me, I was not the prettiest girl in school. Right now at 12, is a time to enjoy things, because before you know it, its all gone, and you really don't know how to have fun anymore. Also, I have three sisters, two who are 10, and one who is 7. I don't want to hear that they have had sex at the age of twelve. I have this motherly shield over them, and I really hope that they choose to make the right decision...not that they should wait until marriage, but until they can handle it. Because it is a very big decision, and they will never forget it. to # 357 specifically, I really hope that you are being safe, and that you know the consequences to having sex. I really hope that in 5-10 years you can think back to when you lost you're virginity, and be proud of why you did it. And not have to look back and think, damn it, i should have waited for the perfect guy, one that respects me and loves me for who I am. I'm done my rant. I really feel bad for the young kids of today's world, they really have no chance. I am no better to be a role model for them, but I will advocate being safe!
It all depends on the situation. I lost my virginity right before my 13th birthday, and it was the worst mistake of my life. The guy I was with was just using me for sex. "Screw and Bolt". Just make sure she knows the consequences...Not just getting pregnant, but the emotional hurt she could go through if she does it with a guy like mine.
I got my period when I was 9 and had a lot of sexual desire by your age. Everyone's different. Don't be so judgmental. And you just state "I don't have sex at this age because I have morals; I care about myself..." and then don't explain why it is immoral to have sex at your age. I think it's true that it's not a good idea in most situations for girls so young to be having sex because they may not be mature enough to handle it. However, it is not IMMORAL to have sex at a young age? Why would it be? Unless it were rape or something...What I think is really immoral is attitudes like yours: constantly judging others for their private lives. THAT is where a lot of of the social problems with sex come from: the social stigma attached to sex. Girls call each other sluts and assume a girl has no self respect if she has sex, even if it is safe and consensual. You are your own worst enemy.
I'm 12 and I know exactly what she is thinking anyway there r girls in my class who already lost their virginty and give guys blowjobs they whatch porn and everything well most of the school And OP trust me u don't wanna know what she's thinking it's way more word then what u think we have a 13 year old in r school who is prenant!!
Yep. And that's not a rare occurence either. It's scary the percentage of girls who decide to have sex at age 12/13 these days, often because "everybody else is talking about it too!" D: Of all reasons to do it, that's gotta be the worst. OP, unless you have a good and level-headed talk with her, it WILL happen. If you think she'll wait for the marriage without being given any reasons, dream on. Peer pressure might have her doing it long before that.
ok. #295. i knew about it when i was like 10! what rock have you been hiding under. people need to know about this sooner because of how people are today. also, im 14 now, and there were 13 year olds in my school pregnant last year. and even more this year. i get the whole "wait till your married" thing. i plan on doing such, so just cross your fingers that your daughter hasn't already done it with someone because come on, shes 12! that just crazy... and as much as i hate it when my parents do it, you need to be careful of who she hangs out with and how much "alone time" she gets with a guy.
People need to be realistic. Whoever said she's only 12 and shouldn't know what sex is, is living in a fantasy world. At that age even health in school discusses it. If you aren't educating your children about sex they are learning it at school from friends anyway. She does need a good long talk. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that happens. There are STD's too. She needs to understand that if she has sex with someone then she's having sex with every person they've had sex with and so on. Did I wait until I was married? No. Do I regret it? No, but I was educated and really had strong feelings for him. I was also safe because my mother told me to be and didn't wake up the next morning worrying about being pregnant or having caught something. Not discussing these things at that age is just sheer stupidity. You're not a bad mother because obviously she felt comfortable coming to you in the first place about this. The door is open and the next step is yours. Just don't alienate her by telling her she's too young, which she is, and telling her not to think about it because she's going to think about it, but she can come to you when it happens if you open the door for that kind of relationship now.
@295 WHAT KIND OF TWELVE YEAR OLD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SEX IS!!?!?!?!?!?!? my parents told me what sex was when I was ten, I learned what it was when I was nine, and my school gave us sex-ed classes when I was eleven and had sex at sixteen!!! what age do you live in? I'm not saying 12-year olds WANT to have sex or are interested in it (then again, I'm not saying that they aren't), I'm just saying that most do, and all should, know what sex IS.(I can just imagine a fourteen y-o saying "sex? whats that? i think i heard somebody say it on tv or something...")
I agree with the sex before marriage thing, and how it's unlikely for most, but your comment annoyed me a little. "..and who wants to have sex with one person in their whole life? How is that living?" Having sex with one person can be a very good thing, actually. It reduces the risk of getting an STD. I, myself, am actually saving my virginity for one person who I love dearly. It's quite stupid to think one is not living when they only have sex with one person. Whores have sex with multiple people. That is, if the sex is with many different people, and pretty constant. But either way, you are living perfectly fine if you are having sex with just one person, or plan on it.
484- THANK YOU. That's what I was thinking. Is this what out world has come to? You can't live a fulfilling life unless you have sex with more than one person? I don't mind people having sex with whomever they want, but to say I don't have a fulfilling life because I want to experience sex with only one man is ludicrous!
Ok listen, I agree with 333 just because she is 12 doesn't mean she shouldn't know. I don't know why people Treat kids her age like 4 year olds! " she shouldn't know about sex, puberty, drugs, Facebook, alcohol, Instagram, fighting, and stuff like that. They learn about it in 5th grade in Maryland
419- We aren't saying she has to wait until marriage to have sex. She should because if she has sex now and tells the father, whoever the father is will abandon her to leave her and the unborn baby to take care of themselves. If she gets married and then has sex and gets pregnant, the husband will stay with her because he loves her enough to have a child with her.
WTF is your problem? i meant mind blowing as in i do not wanna go thru that(seeing as how i have a kid and will have to at some point,i wasnt putting no on down). And having sex at 19 is a HUGE difference from having sex at 12!IF you think its not that your the retard. Shes in what middle school?i at least waited till i finished high school!i swear all the people on this site just come here to fight with people.
Having a child at 19 is pretty sad still. You're 19, you're a year out of highschool and you've done nothing with your life worth mentioning. Even at 19, a person is not emotionally capable of having a child. You should've gone to college or SOMETHING, but you probably couldn't given how bad your writing sucks. I feel sorry for your kid. Children having children is a beautiful thing. :sarcasm:
Excuse me but i beg to differ, BRINGING LIFE INTO THIS WORLD IS SOMETHING!!so i don't do things the "normal" way according to you but sorry i don't live to please you either!and how would you know what Ive done with my life since you know nothing about me???I actually do go to college,im taking summer classes to be a R.N. I work and take care of my son!Thank you very much!
Don't let the haters get you down, sweets! You sound like a great woman and you should be really proud that you did the right thing and are acting responsibly. Bringing new life into this world is the most worthwhile thing a person could do, more worthwhile than college or any job or any accomplishment (even though you're doing all those things too), and certainly more worthwhile than going "clubbing" each night. Only society tells us that 19 is young to have kids. In many cultures, it is typical and normal for girls to have kids at 14-15. But even regardless of that, no one has the right to tell someone else that he or she is too young to have kids.
Wow, by your reasoning every woman should pop out babies because it's the most worthwhile thing to do with their lives,eh? Never mind that in some cases, the state AKA taxpayers are the ones taking care of the brats. If you want to be a baby machine,that's fine and dandy BUT PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU CAN AFFORD THE BRATS. If not, it is not worthwhile because then I'm the one paying for it(along with other taxpayers). Wanna do something MORE worthwhile? ADOPT!
I think she should ask her daughter what she thinks sex means. And then explain that it is not something you should do whit everyone, guy/girls that she really loves and wants to spent her whole life whit. But the kid probably just heart the word sex on TV and was like wow that’s the cool new thing to do whit out knowing what it is.
I'm sure you're the type of person that believes women should stay at home and have kids and cook and clean and the men should be the ones out working. Way to go. I think we're officially back in 1950. Get real lady, and I hope your son doesn't get some poor girl pregnant because his mother didn't give him the sex talk.
I beg to differ. My mom was 18 when she had me, married, and was a wonderful mother. I was 20 and married when I had my first child. Some 19 year olds aren't mature enough to have children, others are. Way to generelize. And also, I DID wait until I was married to have sex. There is nothing wrong with it, in fact, its a very worthwhile goal. It cuts down on emotional baggage between a married couple if there are no other partners in the past, promises that there will be no STDS and if you don't have sex before you are married, then you will NEVER, EVER, have a child out of wedlock. in what way can that be anything but good?
That isn't necessarily true. My S.O. and I definitely had other partners, but it brings NO emotional baggage to our relationship. We are well aware what is in the past is in the past. I don't sit here and mourn that he was with other women. If anything it helped him grow. Id rather be witha guy whos been in serious relationships in the past than one who hasn't. You learn a lot from past relationships. Anyway. I think the OP is pretentious. "I told her to wait till marriage like a good mother." WTF does that mean. Does that mean mothers who don't tell their kids to wait for marriage are bad mothers? What a crock of shit. My mother actually told me not to wait for marriage. The difference though with my mom and most other moms is a) we have a very open relationship in which I can discuss anything I need to with her openly, regardless of the consequences and b) because of that open relationship I was able to discuss birth control options, sex, relationships, etc. I'm protected because I had a realistic and proactive mother. Sounds likea better mom than one who tells a kid to wait till marriage and then puts that kind of pressure on a child (especially in todays society) and then doesn't talk about it. You know what happens when a parent tells a kid the only acceptable time to have sex is when you're married? The child doesn't go to the parent because they dont feel like they can talk to them and they get themselves into messes because they are uneducated about it. A friend put it a really good way. If you can't deal with the consequences of sex (and that includes talking to your parents, or an adult if you cant go to your parents) then you shouldn't be having it. I think i fyou have to question i fyou are ready, they you aren't ready.
Agreed, Monkey. I mean, if you're questioning it and you do it anyway, you'll probably get into a lot of trouble, including having regrets. And as far as having a child ("bringing life into this world") being the most worthwhile goal, I would disagree completely... it would depend on the person... P.S.- I don't think that, considering she said she had a job and was going to college, she is of the 1950s mindset. It's just far easier for a woman to explain womanly things, because they have first person experience; same for men. I'm not saying everybody should do it, but a lot of women don't feel comfortable informing their sons/friends/brothers/what have you how their body works, even if they know a lot about it. Same goes for men and their daughters/etc.; it's a personal thing. And for the record, it isn't right or wrong to have children at 19 based on culture, it's all dependent on the people HAVING the children. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't ready when they think they are, and a lot more people have "accidents," (or a combination therein) so we have a lot of bad rep going on for young parents. I don't ever want to have children of my own, but I respect the people who do if I feel that they can handle it. OP- ...............wow. There are so many things disturbing about that to me.
sweets1218- Regardless of your personal life, your comment was increidbly ignorant. The age that boys have sex is statistically much, much younger than girls, and to suggest that it is less his responsibility if the girl gets pregnant is absolutely ludacrous. If I were you, I would simply hope that whether you have a boy or a girl, that they turn out to be responsible and rational and not rush into bed in their teens.
Lol sweets is acting ignorant... If the statistical age that boys have sex are "much, much" lower, then who do they have sex with? Girls that are 5 + years older than them? You're 19 and you have a child. So what that you're in school? It's still a burden because if you have to juggle school, kids and work you're gonna be overloaded.
HONESTLY I DONT EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IF YOU DONT HAVE A KID(S). AND IF YOU DO THEN I SEE WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY YOU DO(ITS NOT EASY TO BE YOUNG AND A PARENT)AND I WOULDNT WANT MY KID HAVING TO GO THROUGH THAT EITHER BUT FOR ONE-ITS HARD NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU ARE. I DONT THINK ANYONE KNOWS WHAT TO EXPECT. TWO-YES I DO THINK ITS THE MOST 'WORTHWHILE" THING I COULD DO.I COULD BE AN R.N AND ACHIEVE ALL I WANT BUT IT WILL NEVER MEAN AS MUCH TO ME AS HAVING A KID. iF YOU DONT HAVE A KID(S) THEN YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS. SO YOU REALLY SHOULDNT COMMENT ON ANYTHING I HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE THATS JUST IGNORANT.A BABY IS ALWAYS A BLESSING. AND FOR ALL THE MONEY HUNGRY PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT COMPLAIN THEYRE TAKING CARE OF SOMEONES KID. YOU SHOULD THINK OF IT THAT WAY. THREE-WHEN I SAID HIS DADDY WILL HAVE THAT TALK-YOU ALL READ WAY WAY TO MUCH INTO THAT DAMN I WAS MAKING A COMMENT. THAT WILL BE WHAT 11 YEARS FROM NOW? AND YOU THINK BECAUSE I WROTE IT DOWN ILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND? I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE HOW I WILL RAISE MY KID. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT GO HAVE YOUR OWN,THEN YOU CAN CONTROL SOMETHING. AND FOR YOU INFO I GRADUATED WHEN I WAS 17 AND I TURN 20 THIS YEAR. AND IM A DAMN GOOD MAMA. MY BABY HAS A HOME,IS BREASTFEED AND HAPPY!!! SO RUN AT THE MOUTH CAUSE YOUR REALLY MAKING ME THE TOPIC OF THIS WHOLE FML
Uh oh, Caps = SERIOUS BUSINESS! I'm sorry, you have every right to have your opinion and live life the way you see fit, and I wish you all the luck in the world with your degree and your son, but I can't take anyone seriously who has to resort to posting in all caps to get their point across.
sweets.. a nurse should be able to communicate a little better than your skills, retake english while you're in what is probably a very prestigious college. (that means very nice and distinguished if you didn't know)... and you sure showed them by calling them out for being on this site instead of working since you've posted way more times
Eh, I hate all caps but considering how many jerks are jumping on you, I can't blame you for it. It's your right to believe that having a kid is the best thing in the world as long as you realize that's just the experience for YOU, and it usually isn't the case for most people. I think that is what you meant, so you're headed in the right direction. Also, I hate that everyone is assuming that just because you love your son and feel he is a blessing, that you must have purposely decided you were ready to have a baby at 19. The teenage girls I know who accidentally end up with babies are all really happy with their children... if this wasn't the case, they would have gotten abortions or opted for adoption instead, duh. I'm sorry you're getting attacked by all these presumptuous assholes. :( Nobody has a right to judge somebody just because they are a young mother. So many teenagers are having sex, and pregnancy can happen to ANYONE, not just stupid whores who throw their lives away. You sound like a great mother who's willing to work hard and make sacrifices. I really admire you for deciding to get your life together, instead of just giving up like so many young moms do. It's wonderful that you've decided to make the best of a not so easy situation. I wish the best of luck to you.
#137 - Don't throw your blame on the girls who receive this funding. If I for any reason at all could take advantage of some program and get free funding you can bet I'd do it... I'd be foolish not to. Blame the government for offering it. And almost all women who have kids do not receive funding.
jeez you guys ARE really mean. i will back sweet up a 100%. i'm 19 as well and i don't have kids..but it says a lot to actually keep you're child when you're that young. she is the one who decided to have sex and she owned up to the consequences and actually kept her child. i'm sure her son is one of the most important people in her lives. being 19 probably isn't the best age to have children but it doesn't mean she isn't capable of loving her child. if you talk to your grandparents or great grandparents most of them had children and were married by the time they were 16. it was a lot different back then as well but it's just saying age has nothing to do with how you love and care for your child.
well congratss on you going to college and everytthing :) there is a girl who graduated at my school last year and she has a daughter. she came back this year to do Co-op and like she got 90s and everything when she was pregnant and after she had her daughter. She is going off to university So to #40 it is possible to go to college/university and have a child at a younger age (like 16,17,18 etc). How would you know if #45 isnt going to college which she just stated that she is going to college, so shut your fucking mouth #40.
to 139, I am 20 and am TRYING to have a child with my HUSBAND. I don't feel it is necessary to be of the drinking age to have a child because I don't drink. Nor does my husband. It's not always about age. It's about responsibility. I have been taking care of children since I was 8, having 4 younger siblings, plus babysitting for other family members, neighbors, etc. I love children, know how to care for them, and I am married and we are ready for a child. Financially as well because my husband is going in the air force so most living expenses are taking care of. And don't now give me lectures about living off the government because I'm not. This is not welfare, it is job benefits. If he wasn't in the air force, we would wait for kids, but since we can handle it now, it is what we want and what we will do. And not all mothers under 21 are bad, nor are they all incapable in many ways. As for the OP, Wow. I hate that children are having sex so young these days!!! Even if your daughter hasn't had sex yet, just wanting to at 12 is not a good thing. My best friend is like my little sister. She's 15 and she amazingly has not had sex. Even most of the people in her church youth group have done it and they are mostly younger than her. And all the guys are trying to get her to as well. It amazes me. Not in a good way. I am really glad she has a good head on her shoulders, or I would be having constant panic attacks. I get big sister duty tonight because she is going mini golfing with an almost-18 year old. A sexually active almost-18 year old. To my happiness, she asked me to come with her. I am going to be watching him like a freakin hawk. I am sorry for the predicament you are in OP. But talk to your daughter. See what's up. If she is having sex, try to stay calm, and explain to her the benefits of waiting. Well...do that even if she isn't having sex!!! But if she is, try to find out who she is hanging out with and monitor her a bit. I'm not calling you a bad parent in the least, not everyone is able to know what their children are doing or who they are with, children are very deceiving, (my parents almost never knew what I was up to as a teenager), but try to find out more. And good luck!!!
#209 - MonkeySpeaks - I disagree with part of what you said. At 12 years of age, it should be put out of kids heads until they are somewhat older. Telling them you have to wait until they are married is a good thing, but in a couple years, it might seem like a better idea to educate them, obviously.
While I'm not judging your ability to be a good mother based on your age, your statement that bringing new life into this world is the most worthwile thing a person can do is incredibly biased and untrue. What about all of the people working hard every day to find new medicines or new treatments to care for severe medical conditions? There are people working every day to save the lives of thousands. I personally am going into the medical research field, and it offends me that all of my work and effort is being undervalued simply because I would rather dedicate myself to my chosen profession than choose to have children.
Not all kids are brats. You see that one kid throwing a tantrum in the grocery store, doesn't not mean all kids are brats. Besides, rotten children are a result of poor parenting. And college is easier with no children to look after, but when I was in college, I saw alot of students (who had no kids) NOT take college seriously. They skipped class, didn't study and spent most weekends partying. I finished my master's degree while juggling being a mom, taking care of the house, and being married. When I was single, I was not ready for college, I was immature and didn't have the money to comfortably live on my own, pay for college, bills, car, gas...etc I started college at age 23 when I had more money from a good job and could afford school.
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Saying you shouldn't have sex after marriage doesn't make you a good mother... and your daughter's response confirms that.
Shortshan didn't say that people who get married early don't have secure lives; she said that people under the age of twenty-two don't have secure lives yet. Which is almost always true. My point was that people who think it's not okay to have sex before marriage may get married before they're sure it's the right thing to do, just so that they can have sex. Marriage SHOULDN'T just be about sex, but telling your kids that they can't have sex until they're married could result in just that.
Yeah I know it can result in that, but My point was that not all marriages that happen before the people at 22 doesnt mean that they are in any way unstable. Of course its not right to get married just to have sex, thats ridiculous and stupid. Idk. Maybe I'm just over reacting. It's just the age on there that bothered me. Whats wrong with getting married between teh ages of 18-21? I'm 18, engaged, living with my fiancee. We are not relying on our parents for support. We have jobs to pay for our apartment. We're both going to college, and I'm paying my way through (he just got a scholarship that'll take care of this next year for him) We're both extremely happy. basically I guess I'm just saying that the age vs. Marriage thing is a tender spot for me. I'm sick of being told it's wrong, when it's right for me. Tying young marriage to abstinence gives it even more negative publicity. Its not young marriage that is wrong. It's the fact that so many young marriage are formed because 1) Girl got knocked up adn wanted to marry baby-daddy or 2) One was waiting til marriage and wanted to have sex. No one ever looks at any other reason AND NOW THAT MY RANT IS OVER I have discovered that it's completely irrelevant to the actual conversation.
Marriage might not be about sex but you and 99% of the human population knows that no one will be truly happy with someone that can't match their expectations in bed. Test drive before you lie. Doesn't mean go be a slut and marry the guy/girl that's amazing in bed though. To be honest, human instinct is sexual and the only other thong is to eat. No animal is mention to be tied down to one sexual being. Mainly leaving us with a high percentile in divorce rate because it is now socially more acceptable to do so when woman started hitching about their rights now today making men look and seem like so called pigs. Marriage I suppose in the end is a garbage way to feel important for a short time and a want to change then later realizing that it wasn't such a good idea. The people that are still married today are either early into ten years at most or old and have been married for over thrifty plus years. Be smart. Make sure he or she is the one. That's all folks. Dr. Phil moment, out!
I don't agree with the statement that you need to "test drive". You do realise that just because your partner was bad in bed, it doesn't mean that they will never improve and your relationship is completely ruined because you're "sexually incompatible"? It's not sex that makes people incompatible in bed, it's the lack of communication. OF COURSE the person you waited until marriage to have sex with was bad at your first go, i believe most people ARE bad at it the first time (they either don't know or don't admit it). Just because it's instinct to know how to have sex, doesn't mean it's instinct to know how to be good; that depends on your partner. Talking with your partner and explaining what you do and don't like will make your experience better over the long run; "test driving" is not mandatory.
you should keep a better eye on what your twelve year is doing and who she's hanging around with
@164 - Losing your virginity is a consequence of having sex? Shit I wish I had have known that sooner!!!