Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
larryb1986 9
I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella
FightMyLiger 19
Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!
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Comments (116)
larryb1986 9
I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella
syki 22
Rule 34.
AngrySailor 17
A real poncho or a sears poncho?
RpiesSPIES 27
Op said her brother said everyone, #1, so keep that in mind ~4 years from now when he finishes with Poland and moves to the Americas.
azk3000 9
If this is such a big deal for him he probably got you a long time ago
Jjimen1654 9
Also op need to lock the door when asleep!
AngrySailor 17
^^ It's a Frank Zappa reference. Thumb away for me having to tell you.
FightMyLiger 19
Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!
flashback.miss 28
All aboard for Switzerland! Neutrality!!!! but seriously, I'm sure he's just messing with you...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
31- nah, he's MESSING with you.
coolboy675 16
He's gonna make it rain?
andrekrivo 20
chocolate rain.
unknown_user5566 26
Since when is **** chocolate colored?
Shrike 23
You'd best see a doc about that one, #15. I'm not sure the FML community is exactly qualified to help out with that.
JacobH34 10
More like make it snow
dancinwookie 21
#38- It sounds like you might also want to get that checked out. If your dick is giving off dander...You can't just use Head and Shoulders. I mean you could, but then we'd hear about it.
Ace132 20
That's just faptastic
BimmerDriver 23
He's cumming for you, watch out. :)
SMHsohard 22
It's refreshing to see a young man with a definite life goal; so many youngsters don't know what they want to do. And, I don't know why, but I just got a mental image of a stick figure with one arm the size of a Hulk Hogan python.
capslockisgood 19
48 I was going to thumb you up until I read that creepy mental image you had.
SMHsohard 22
Gotta admit it was a vivid picture.
CharresBarkrey 15
I wanna thumb you up, 5, but you're right at 69
dancinwookie 21
#48- You just described Trogdor the Burninator. Except he is a dragon with one large human arm.
BradTheBrony 19
TROGDOOOOOR Burninating the peasants!
jnanderson 16
That guys going places
inthedopeshow 17
He's certainly ambitious
syki 22
Really? I'd say he's coming places.
ComoEsJuan 24
I hope he is young, because that is going to be hard, long task. But hey, lets face it, gotta hand it to him for having a goal in the first place.
Nekogami 14
Puns intended? Lol
DocBastard 38
He meant everyone EXCEPT his sister, right? Right??
michael666 7
what about his mom?
Cheeley 17
Or any kids he may have in the future.
stanjohnson 11
Or his Mom's bra
M3DIC4T3 29
What about his grandmother? Aunt? Everyone in the world also includes his dad, and his pets? O.o
awkwarddebater 12
Maybe he's Joffrey.
lambda_fml 40
More like Jizzfrey.
BradTheBrony 19
More like **** free. And not ****-free in the sense of being devoid of semen, but **** free as in TO ****, freely and without constraint.
kelseythompson 27
You're next.
mim777 4
duh duh duuuuuuuh !!
kpc2424 13
The phrase from Gary Busey in Point Break comes to mind.... "Young, dumb, and full of cum"