Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
larryb1986 9
I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella
FightMyLiger 19
Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!
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Comments (116)
dancinwookie 21
Thank you for the warning. It'll be like Gallagher, but with semen instead of watermelons. It'll be sticky is what I'm saying.
Iniezian 18
I have a foolproof plan on how your brother can achieve this: First, he has to donate all his life savings, and all the money he has, to Professor Ronald Mallett, so he can achieve his lifelong obsession of building a time machine which zaps people back in time with lasers, on the condition that he gets to use it first. Next, he must travel back to September 26, 1983, to Moscow, and kill Stanislav Petrov on his way to work, leaving a less-experienced officer in charge of Serpukhov-15 that day. The resulting nuclear apocalypse will decimate the world, leaving your brother free to go **** on the last dozen or so pitiful survivors.
Epikouros 31
That's brilliant bullshit!
theworldismad 10
my inspiration! this is brilliant
avapaige1234 19
Please, OP. Do us a big favor and tie your brother up. Now.
Epikouros 31
Maybe he likes being tied up, so that would make him cum while being touched by his sister.
avapaige1234 19
That comment, #88, is out of the topic and gross at the same time.
Epikouros 31
You expected wholesome comments when the topic is covering everybody in ****? You're an optimist.
TheChelseaSays 34
Well I'm glad he doesn't know where I am.
TheChelseaSays 34
B
ctchan2381 5
a man can dream.....a man can dream...
freezeangel 11
try me
jbones24 22
Thank god for the internet
Epikouros 31
Luckily, your brother's life goal is physically impossible, unless he invents a sperm bomb. If it took him one minute to come (including travel) and he could keep going around the clock, he'd still need 13.500 years to **** on every living person, not counting future births during that period.
middlenamefrank 8
At least he's got a hobby.