Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML
Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML
Today, I realized that my brother is one of those people who comment on porn. I found out about it because he commented on my video. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
larryb1986 9
I would start walking around in a poncho and carrying an umbrella
FightMyLiger 19
Poland always gets hit first by these global assaults. World War J is upon us!
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Comments (116)
metalhead4740 14
Well at least he has his priorities straight.
PaigeLeeAnn11 23
At least he has a life goal, right?
Rodville 28
This sounds like the plot to a really bad porno.
blondie107 20
That's creepy O.o
splashface1 10
I better not be jizzed on in the near future!
challan 19
and yet your screen name begs for the money shot.
lyssgross 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
@#56 How does anonymous beg for a money shot?
hama806 19
58- it appears that splashface1 really wants a money shot.
_DudeGuy_ 16
Everyone? Shit, I need to lock my doors.
SumBur 11
Dead me in the eyes?
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Well okay if you insist, but it'll cost ya $50.
SumBur 11
I love when the post gets corrected and makes me look like a dumbass.
drew12089 2
How are you typing this if you're dead?
jeepers_1 21
warm bodies?
challan 19
some people give from their hearts, and some from their wallets. your brother takes the hands on approach.
SWC_Penguin 17
You're scared?? At least you know what he looks like! Now I'm afraid to go outside.