Geek: Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was... - FML

By Anonymous - 01/02/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 466

You deserved it 5 367

Batman

Missing the one

People don't always get sarcasm

By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 849

You deserved it 1 612

Drunk online shopping FTW!

By danielesnaranjo - 31/10/2019 16:00

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 2 144

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 568

You deserved it 37 879

By Peaches - 22/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 466

You deserved it 394

By NO NO NO - 05/08/2013 21:42 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Spicy

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 356

You deserved it 5 321

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 305

You deserved it 23 923

By tbalboa - 01/07/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 3 262

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 109

You deserved it 41 906

By anonymous - 04/07/2012 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 133

You deserved it 34 540

By sister of an angry nerd - 23/12/2015 06:09

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 305

You deserved it 3 147

Grow up

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 07:02

Today, my son rejected a job offer because it interferes with the streaming schedule of some Twitch dirtbag. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 170

By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/06/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 807

By kingwalrus - 12/06/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 8 025

By godhatesme - 10/12/2011 08:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 20 659

By Ow - 18/04/2014 11:09 - United States - Golden Valley

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 450

You deserved it 59 648

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 843

You deserved it 6 703

By Sally - 24/08/2018 22:00

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 520

You deserved it 789

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 267

You deserved it 6 006

By Unwanted - 10/06/2010 12:54 - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 931

You deserved it 3 941

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 162

You deserved it 6 913

By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 071

You deserved it 5 290

Keep it down

By rattlingfloorboards - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 083

You deserved it 3 331

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 03:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 271

You deserved it 1 587

By FootInMouth - 20/01/2015 19:16 - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 9 185

By idiot - 04/01/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 076

You deserved it 12 879

By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 794

You deserved it 4 288

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 04:16 - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 607

You deserved it 4 007

By itssomething - 01/03/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Spicy

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 502

You deserved it 2 612

By Nxydolli - 29/04/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 128

You deserved it 56 302

By At least she knows I floss - 25/08/2017 14:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 5 215

By ewwww - 26/05/2013 17:55 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 515

You deserved it 4 298

By Anonymous - 18/12/2013 01:55 - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 8 363

Roofing

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 11:01

Today, a tile slid off the roof and knocked me out as I was fetching my mail. Apparently, I lay there for a while with the wind blowing my dressing gown up, flashing my bare ass to the neighbourhood. People took pictures, but no one thought to check I was alive, not even my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 05/02/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 278

You deserved it 4 164

By Jamie - 04/04/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 408

You deserved it 154 175

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 622

You deserved it 3 483

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 200

You deserved it 15 219

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face and he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 825

By lifestinks - 05/04/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 864

You deserved it 9 509

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Top comments

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:18

Maybe you shouldn't have been fucking your boyfriend's iPod.

krez 20

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:29

Why were you dating an iTard anyway?

Comments

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:18

wow hes an idiot. u didnt lose much so dnt grieve over it

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:11

I gotta agree if left you because of an app then he doesn't have a mind of his own and isn't worth keeping.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 6:13

we got the same bday! woo!

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 14:15

best thing that happened to you sweetie!

scooterdude720 19

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Friday 16 May 2014 0:36

That awkward moment when his iPod app is a video camera.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:18

That is really sad.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:18

Maybe you shouldn't have been fucking your boyfriend's iPod.

comepoopwithme 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:20

then your cheating on him... the apps never lie

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:52

set to vibrate

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 5:36

iPods don't have a vibrate feature unless you blare a song with some pretty extreme bass.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 7:04

haha I can't even look at your picture :0 it's nasty ;)

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 8:39

I was thinking of iPhone,my mistake

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 15:51

iPod's DO have vibrate.. iPod touch does..

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Thursday 3 February 2011 0:42

iPod touch does not, I am posting from one right now

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:34

Haha!

T9FTW 20

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Friday 2 November 2012 4:54

iPod TOUCH! HAHAHAH- No.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:22

I think there's an app for that...

Privations_fml 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:27

The iPod is smarter than you anyway. I bet you can't do all the complex mathematical calculations that it can. Trust the damn thing for once.

manzanita2121 6

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:20

Go Huskies!!!!

krez 20

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:29

Why were you dating an iTard anyway?

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 2:54

LOLOLOLONOLOLOL. I PEED MI PANTZ.

Withired_Away 0

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 4:01

^ so much you forgot how to spell? and what's with all the app FML's lately

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Thursday 3 February 2011 1:36

Feed me.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:29

Either he's an incredible idiot for believing that or an ass who doesn't care enough to tell you the real reason. Either way I'd say you're lucky to be rid of him.

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Friday 5 August 2011 1:11

I agree girls dont notice that when guys break up with them while using stupid excuses it means that they don't want to date the girl and could think of a reason why

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:31

U guys are probably really young

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:32

A loser like that deserves to be single.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 2:52

Agreeed. Noone does that because an app told them!

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:14

Well, apparently he did. Derp.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:38

When you are dating someone capable of making that decision it is your fault.

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Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:19

14, You just never know. People do 180's and break your heart for totally false reasons. It can happen to ANY one. If I were you, I'd brace myself now...

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 119

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 799