Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
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Top comments
Learxst 0
I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.
deathbunny256 0
"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"
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Comments (177)
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Would that be fun? Yes. Would that be foreplay? Hell no.
brie3 0
exactly :)
flinkpamingo 0
Ok, so what is it with men and boobies? It's a good thing they don't have them because they wouldn't get any work done, they would just play with themselves ALL day. It probably wouldn't be much fun to motorboat yourself either, would it? PBPBPBPBPBPB! Giggles.
metheonlyb 17
You win # 57. Thank goodness we men don't have boobies. And OP you could try talking to his dick and balls!!
Epiphany1882 0
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I needed that laugh.
Epiphany1882 0
:D
zap_fml 0
I loolllllleeedd.
thebigslim 13
LMFAO I am SO going to do this to the girl I am seeing, your bf is a brilliant, brilliant man!
greenrapsody 0
YDI for not being having a sense of humor! my boyfriend does the same thing, and I reciprocate by making his penis into a little talking monster :)
Qup 0
actually, that is fun. as long as that's not all he did. it's just playful. you're a jerk for not having a sense of humour.
nodayliketoday 0
my boyfriend does this, it's ******* hilarious. And I make his penis talk, or sing. There is nothing funnier than a penis singing Radiohead. Lighten up!
Sipos 0
Maybe not sexy but hilarious (and so fun) nonetheless!