Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
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Top comments
Learxst 0
I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.
deathbunny256 0
"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"
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Comments (177)
NicholasEdward 0
That's sexy.
cr1sis 0
haha thats hilarious but not worth the joke if your ruining a good moment
daveykudla88 0
wtf why u complaining? ur bf's funny u should be happy that's hilarious i love doing things like that foreplay should follow though :P
NuclearWinter 0
Your boyfriend is a legend!
EveryDayJackAss 0
LOL he shouldve like drawn faces on em and made a video! then THAT would be EPICI! and a real FML ^_^
cmac86 24
sounds pretty hot to me.
voveraite 7
Well, I know this is an age old FML, but here are my 0.02$: COMPATIBILITY! Before you get intimate with a guy make sure your idea of fun/foreplay coincides with his. I'd never waste my time with someone whose sense of humour I'd call distasteful, just as I hope they wouldn't waste theirs with someone they'd find uptight.
slinkiess 0
i totally agree. i would never date that kind of guy without knowing what his type of interests are.
Hoosier22 0
and......?
smpat04 0
Sounds like this guy really has some creativity and imagination; way to pick a winner.
itouchguy360 3
haha! this made my day!