Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
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Top comments
Learxst 0
I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.
deathbunny256 0
"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"
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Comments (177)
Siren_00 0
I have no sympathy for people who complain about their boyfriends/girlfriends. You have a choice; no one's forcing you to date them or put up with that.
cabernet 0
Hahaha, better than squishing together your stomach fat and making your belly button talk.
jeff0892 0
i lmao'ed
toastnbuttrcheng 0
That is HILARIOUS. Actually loled :P
LadyV 0
Actually, OP, that sounds really sweet. I'd love for my boyfriend to do that. That's just so cute and funny. I see no FML here.
jivealive_5 0
Hahahaha that's actually really funny... I'd laugh if my bf did that, lighten up woman! Besides, no one is making u stay with him if you hate his idea od foreplay!
pisstake 2
Haha that's actually quite funny, can't really vote either way!
M13LO 0
I foreplay while having sex all the time
YourCommentisDum 0
Umm... You Fail.
NewLight8421 0
thats what she said
nightswimmer 0
no comment. ... wait a second!
estarian_jem 0
Haha my boyfriend does that all the time :D I think it's hilarious myself :D