Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
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Top comments
Learxst 0
I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.
deathbunny256 0
"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"
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Comments (177)
DrMorbid 0
Haha, isn't your boyfriend's name Peter Griffin by any chance? That's genious! Your boyfriend is an ace. I'm definatelly gonna try that with my girlfriend! Not an FML. Stop living in dramatic romantic fairytales and get a sense of humour.
metheonlyb 17
That way you will end up having very narrow range of selection of guys, coz as a guy I can tell that we LOVE doing all sorts of thing with boobs. I personally think it is hilarious.
gearsbroken 0
sorry. not funny. i had a boyfriend with this exact same sense of humor, and i found it incredibly juvenile; i can't imagine it being humorous or cute. having ANYONE turn ANY part of my anatomy into a puppet would make me want to smack them.
NicholasEdward 0
Eh, agreed.
Brey1013 0
U need a new boyfriend
aback 5
If you really can't stand it, then try it with his balls. Make them say, "Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow."
wroughtinfire 0
win.
the_commentator 0
correction: epic win.
c6dragster 0
i like to draw little people on boobs and make them danse!!! really is a lot of fun! don't knock it 'til you try it!
ogloc 0
I really really like boobs.
noaman 0
I am glad to say that you just made my day! LOL!!!
Eelusive 0
This is actually a FHL because she has no sense of humor or playfulness.
PIQ 0
This is hilarious, been awhile since I could get a giggle out the FML stories.