Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that... - FML

By FMeeee - 16/06/2014 18:50 - Portugal - Aveiro

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 379

You deserved it 9 768

This Charming Man

Late term

Batman

By useyourownbed - 18/09/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Spicy

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 751

You deserved it 2 470

By Repethetic - 02/04/2015 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 721

You deserved it 4 803

Thanks, I guess

By joAnne - 03/03/2009 21:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 579

You deserved it 4 137

By grossed out - 25/03/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 567

You deserved it 7 471

By Master Debater - 01/02/2013 11:05 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 975

You deserved it 39 986

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 300

By Smittynumerouno - 28/10/2016 03:13 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had an old man yell in my face because the boxes in our store only had Spanish words on them. I spent 15 minutes apologizing and trying to explain that the English was on the back side. He stormed out before I could even show him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 906

By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - 31/01/2013 11:34 - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 485

You deserved it 42 190

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 4 285

By AuntPeePee - 20/05/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 375

You deserved it 3 539

By kthx - 22/10/2009 12:26 - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 3 484

By sadcartoons - 12/02/2011 18:57 - Canada

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 051

You deserved it 5 032

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 082

You deserved it 34 679

By Cùchulainn - 10/01/2009 03:23 - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 988

You deserved it 9 478

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 12 623

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 935

You deserved it 7 692

Grab it while you can

By Arabian_Soap - 31/05/2021 16:01 - Australia - Mermaid Beach

Today, I was walking through a rich part of the city and saw 2 dollars on the ground. I didn't pick it so people wouldn't think I was poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 064

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 10:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at a very important meeting with a client and I had to use the bathroom. I was so nervous that I squirted white soap all up my suit jacket. My client walked in and commented on my "jizzy" blazer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 052

You deserved it 2 101

By Anonymous - 17/05/2014 16:02 - United States - Elko

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 18 459

New depths

By Bruce - 23/01/2021 11:01 - United States - Falls Church

Today, my sump pump stopped working so I called a plumber to fix it. It took two seconds for him to simply plug it back in. Cost me $75 for the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 861

By Aaron Lewis - 07/07/2012 05:01 - United States - Topeka

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 277

You deserved it 10 714

By Bad Parent - 23/05/2011 11:58

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 059

You deserved it 4 464

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 304

Bewitched

By Frozen Delight - 24/02/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 390

By IGiveUp - 07/10/2018 13:30

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 199

Triage

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 05:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I realised that Gmail has been sending lots of important messages directly into the spam folder, where I never saw them. All were from people who I had either contacted myself, or had regular contact with in the past. One address even had a filter on it, specifying, "Never send it to spam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 255

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - 18/01/2016 01:48 - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 104

You deserved it 1 610

Shot

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 20:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 012

You deserved it 29 536

By birthday_loser - 23/01/2013 19:33 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 272

You deserved it 3 741

By StillBurning - 19/08/2017 01:30

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 654

You deserved it 645

By Matthew - 04/07/2018 22:30

Today, during science, my friend thought it would be funny to pour corrosive acids into the reaction test I was making. I had to explain to my parents why I have no eyebrows, but the worst part is that I only got a D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 314

By Shelby - 14/08/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 204

Tactician

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 02:00

Today, in the most polite and friendly way I could think of, I told a friend that she's slightly too dramatic about things. She started throwing a fit, deleted my number, and ended our seven-year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 290

What happened?

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 01:00 - Ireland

Today, after 5 and a half years, my boyfriend had spent months talking about proposing before the end of the year. He'd picked out a ring, told all his friends, and couldn't stop talking about our future. He then dumped me over the phone out of the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 60

By surfer - 21/07/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 26 177

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 862

You deserved it 7 005

Out and about

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 14:00

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 637

By Odds in my favour - 14/03/2018 15:00

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 375

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 5 024

By merp. - 02/02/2013 06:57 - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 6 054

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Top comments

Superwholock86 6

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:45

Probably not the best timing.

sweetest_jenn 18

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:46

Looks like your husband scored the first goal.

Comments

Superwholock86 6

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:45

Probably not the best timing.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 1:12

Yeah, I agree, the next mention of the baby will probably go like "So Mom, what should I name the baby? "What the hell?! What baby?"

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 2:01

Or it isn't their first. This was not ment to be a reply to that comment.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 2:14

Aiming to reply to #3?

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 8:45

GOOOOOAAAALLLLLL!!!...

htownpostman 16

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 8:59

Considering how big this soccer thing is, waiting till after would have def been better.. Especially if their team lost.. Would have majorly cheered them up!

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 9:17

#25 depending on what happens this world cup, the baby is probably going to get a footballer's name. Even if its a girl; they'll just put the feminine form.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 10:26

Seriously #1? Knowing that you’re going to be a father, a grand-parent, uncle etc is not as exciting as watching soccer?

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:34

Definitely not the best timing since he was probably pissed off that Portugal was losing 4-0

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 3:08

Sorry was meant to be thumbs up lol

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Saturday 24 January 2015 17:46

HEY!!!! ITS FOOTBALL

rocker_chick23 27

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:46

Congrats on the pregnancy, OP.

sweetest_jenn 18

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:46

Looks like your husband scored the first goal.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:46

congrats on the pregnancy!! :)

Tthug 34

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:47

It does only come once every 4 years...but that sucks. I'm sure they'll come around in the next...month.

AnOriginalName 19

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 4:40

At first I thought you meant babies only come around every four years, and I was thoroughly confused.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:47

Your family has their priorities right

JonDG 12

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Friday 20 June 2014 21:47

how this got upvoted is beyond me. Football is not more important than the news of someone being pregnant, especially if they are a family member.

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Monday 23 June 2014 17:32

Well I mean she did have the opportunity to pick when she told them. In the middle of a game probably wasn't the greatest idea. I don't bother any sports fan or any fan of anything if they're watching whatever it is that they're interested in.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:49

You'd think your husband would be more excited about scoring a goal.

SasquatchDeluxe 10

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 2:38

You'd think he'd celebrate, shouting "He shoots! He scores!"

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:36

I highly doubt either of these things happened considering portugal lost 4-0

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 3:06

WHOOSH! The sound of #8's meaning going right over the head of #92

rocker_chick23 27

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:50

How'd you get that out of the FML? They were too preoccupied with the game. It doesn't say anything about her being ugly.

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:50

Who wants to bet when you tell them again in a couple days they'll be like.... OH MY GOD?!?!!?? WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US SOONER!?!?!?

rocker_chick23 27

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:59

I can see that happening.

DatPiggahDoe 10

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 1:32

I'll bet a potato chip. See picture for details.

randomgalzbo 17

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 11:41

I think it'll be one month later.... After the world cup ends...

invadermaythe1st 35

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Tuesday 17 June 2014 0:52

Better reaction than some.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 32

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 275