Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
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Top comments
Learxst 0
I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.
deathbunny256 0
"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"
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Comments (177)
jenora 0
I read this to my boyfriend and he says, "That's not foreplay, that's just fun." I agree with the first posted... next time, slap him, and tell him exactly what it is that you want. Worst case scenario, he walks away. In that case? Time to find a new boyfriend. Or switch to girls.
Spittal 0
Your boyfriend actually wins.
skor_fml 0
YDI for not knowing excellent foreplay. You're the only thing stopping your boyfriend from being the world's first and greatest pornstar-comedian.
heatherewf 0
Why are so many new FMLs just bitches about boyfriends? Your boyfriend acts like a regular guy, OMG FYL!! That's not an FML, it just means either deal with it or find a new boyfriend. You picked him so YDI, IMO!
BadLuckTuck 0
I think it's funny, and I'm a girl! Seriously, guys are like that. Not an FML.
Raachhhx3 0
I agree. FYL. put tht bitch in his place! >:D
prospekt1 0
roflmaool
spongebobrocks 0
LOL my girlfriend gave me a link to this FML and went all "Benji, this is so you." Hahah, it kind of is. But I'd never do it as foreplay xD
DameGreyWulf 1
Nah, not sexy, terrible foreplay, but if I were in your position I'd actually be laughing my ass off.
RideOorDiee 0
Hahaha my best guy friend pushes mine together and says 'aww they look like butt cheeks!' wtf ahaha