Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
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Top comments
Askzombie 14
Well you volunteered as tribute.
AninOnin 24
Tell him his junk looks like an elephant, and flap his balls like Dumbo's ears.
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Comments (155)
RedPillSucks 31
Seems a little extreme. Anger management issues?
RedPillSucks 31
He's a member of Short Attention Span Theatre.
shawayzeee_fml 12
That isn't even a real bird...
ErinPinelli 24
The ****** Games.
rockhead1270 5
****** is a beau tool. He's a dick
mockingjay12_fml 5
I may be poorly chosen my nickname... :/
jannatanelle 5
this may or may not fly but I saw a documentary titled after **** the one lady got her labia trimmed off and auctioned the skin off on eBay...on an unrelated note my boyfriend and I use Ca caw whenever we've lost each.other in public!!! you guys should do this as well giving a whole new meaning to inside joke!
skittyskatbrat 19
Did you know that a penis looks like an Opera Singer? Come on, with a minor bit of manipulation, you can make the "mouth" open and close to the strains of "Figaro figaro Fiiiii ga roooooooooo!" If you're really quick about it, you can even wrap a black sock, wash cloth, etc. around it to be a tuxedo. If you're feeling terribly evil, it can sing songs like "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" or even "It's a small world after all".....
Garagedwella 26
Ha ha the "it's a small world" idea is brilliant!
Raidriar 14
Kick him in the head? What the **** is wrong with you? That's battery, and depending on the level of his injury, would be a felony. I understand the psychiatric ward let you out early, and you likely don't know better, but what you suggest is the unacceptable thing, not what OP's boyfriend did.
drshn 22
The vaginal monologues.