Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
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Top comments
Askzombie 14
Well you volunteered as tribute.
AninOnin 24
Tell him his junk looks like an elephant, and flap his balls like Dumbo's ears.
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Comments (155)
kitkatvan 5
He knows that a mockingjay isn't even a real bird, right? Dump his ass if the thinks that a made up bird from the hunger games is real.
6FootUnder 11
Lmao I see his humor, must have some grubby fat ass pussy lips hahaha.
Nicole819 11
there's only 2 logical reasons for this.. one he's not old enough to have sex in the first place if he's doing that & two he's old enough but very immature. either way sucks for you OP
6dandaman5 8
Sounds like they have a sex life secure enough to inject a little humor into . After play is as important as foreplay
nadimishka 8
As I read this, it played out visually in my mind and I am still dying. FYL OP but that is one of those stories that can literally make anyone's day a million times better!!!
xgardian 15
I don't think those birds sound like that. Just imagining Katniss cawing. Heh....
Xotoolyxo 16
You're not having sex with a man
6dandaman5 8
I agree ;)
writer84 3
It's pretty funny actually. I wouldn't take it personally
HatemyLife32 15
I can't believe you posted that anonymous or not. Also your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass. No offense
tazlima98 4
doesnt it bother u that ur boy friend refers tonur ****** as a bird... lol?
6dandaman5 8
Tell him that's a perfect place for his tongue to be