Work: Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he...

By Eimii - 06/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 058

You deserved it 3 286

Work

You tried

Insurance is a scam

Or does he?

By Sarah - 26/01/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 197

You deserved it 2 460

By iFail - 29/01/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 721

You deserved it 8 917

By unemployed - 31/05/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 719

You deserved it 2 688

By anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:24 - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 1 020

Some guys will hump anything

By slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 09:34 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 820

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 634

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 642

You deserved it 3 209

By VidyaGameCollector - 03/05/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 757

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 2 960

By Idle_Twin - 17/05/2015 17:53 - United States - Miami

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 902

You deserved it 33 259

By rammedbehind - 26/08/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 603

You deserved it 3 822

By Happy Employee - 31/08/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 229

You deserved it 2 696

Nokia 3310 FTW

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 923

Social media was a mistake

By Gorgonzola - 13/11/2021 07:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me because I refuse to open an account on Facebook, Instagram or whatever. Four years ago, I had to retire from social media for good because another ex-girlfriend was harassing me frequently. No, I didn't have any children with that ex, if that's what you think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 81

By Kim - 22/03/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 705

You deserved it 4 865

First impressions

By wiseoldone - 03/02/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I'm going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out. I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 009

You deserved it 8 179

By Ouch - 17/03/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 221

You deserved it 3 926

By stolen-car - 26/06/2012 02:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 603

You deserved it 2 643

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:19 - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 572

You deserved it 37 771

Collection

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 04:00

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 06:45 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 632

You deserved it 1 797

By meh beard - 18/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 458

You deserved it 1 586

By whorecrux - 02/07/2013 03:37 - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 797

You deserved it 9 786

By Embarrassed - 01/10/2010 13:06 - United States

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 384

You deserved it 6 055

By Broguy - 06/07/2011 02:20 - Canada

Today, I called my phone company to get some answers about my phone bill. I was okay with being put on hold. In fact, I was on hold for so long, that the music stopped playing. When someone finally answered they told me to call back tomorrow. All my phones disconnected an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 088

You deserved it 2 924

By wurtabang - 09/02/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 3 085

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 5 172

By Anonymous - 25/07/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 498

You deserved it 13 801

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 519

You deserved it 318

By jennyygrace - 11/07/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 585

You deserved it 41 560

By anonymous - 01/04/2012 18:38 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 483

You deserved it 10 305

Better safe

By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 527

You deserved it 9 307

By WastedTime - 07/08/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 685

You deserved it 5 706

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 03:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 3 120

By Barstaff - 24/12/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 2 370

By crazy_mom - 01/11/2010 15:10 - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 540

You deserved it 4 334

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 4 327

By gabbykinz13 - 08/03/2012 21:48 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 014

You deserved it 57 055

Great solution

By sullry - 25/12/2019 05:00

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 849

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Top comments

kyleenstar 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:26

Now, Thats hot.

TurdMonkey 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:29

dayumm what a pimp.

kyleenstar 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:26

Now, Thats hot.

MimiKnox 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 10:56

I'd ride his empty canon anytime.....we'll make history together

testname 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 11:20

asd

testname 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 11:23

aaa

saddream 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 12:54

is he at least a silver fox? if so, go for it ^_~

GreenHacker 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 7:19

YDI for leading him on and being a tease.

KittehKatt 0

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Tuesday 13 July 2010 17:25

how is she a tease..? you don't know...

BoCo_fml 9

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 3:25

Is he rich?? If so marry him and get all the money when he dies!!! lol

CHRIS1920 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:26

hahhah thats gay n nasty

xxchilloutxx 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 10:44

Gay...how?

testname 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 11:30

man_eating_bunny 18

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Monday 6 October 2014 5:18

The nasty part i see. But gay? How does that relate to this post at all?

TurdMonkey 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:29

dayumm what a pimp.

9echo 17

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Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:36

What are you talking about? The guy just wants to adopt OP and have a father-daughter relationship, right? Right guys? Right? O_O

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:31

Hit that.

growingupnextmon 3

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 10:14

Yeah but she would have to be gentle so he doesnt break a hip.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 11:18

If she does it right, she'll break hers instead.

sadiesykes 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:31

eeep!

TheGasMaskGuy 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:33

Gotta play the field.

PsYcHoSOADLaDy 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:33

Two Words: Sugar Daddy...

crzyry 6

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:41

I have to agree with #8. I'll bet the OP wouldn't think this was an FML if he had offered her 10,000 dollars to sleep with him.

SD86 0

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Saturday 14 May 2011 9:50

bahaha.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Friday 17 January 2014 16:58

I would think it's wrong even if he offered me a million

Butcher_1419 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:38

sexy harassment time! I like!

bluelabeled 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:41

So you'd date someone 49 years your senior? You could totally do them in their nursing home.

JuuChan 3

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 9:47

Hey, at least he told you in a letter instead of cornering you in a dark area of work and telling you with his hands. The old guy has some respect. Be grateful for that! P.S. if he's rich, go for it!