Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
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Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML
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Top comments
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
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Comments (170)
Bzu123 8
just try to keep yourself preoccupied its easier to not think about it then
thaliah 15
this shit is bananas. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
peanuty001 19
i have the same fear!
Kg317 18
This reminds me of that one episode of, Courage the Cowardly Dog, when they go into the future that's run by a bunch of banana human creatures.
davincidasecond 24
That's exactly what came to mind when I read this. For some reason I also thought of the episode where the old woman Muriel gets kidnapped by eggplants.
garrett1999o3 16
Hey OP, I heard about this video that could help your phobia! Just google search "Peanut butter jelly time". It'll work. Trust me.
Zelphoric 25
Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!
cjlerch 29
Damn! All the good jokes are taken. Either way, good luck with your... peculiar fear.
sweetbliss3 37
Maybe see somebody about that. Therapist maybe? Bananas aren't very threatening so maybe something happened that you don't remember?
angelitared 27
Please get some professional help.
Ardian4954 9
Can't fix stupid..
October3461 12
stupid is what stupid does
fader48080 10
It's peanut butter jelly time! peanut butter jelly time!
frappefrapp 5
I feel your pain op. Stay strong