Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
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Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML
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Top comments
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
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Comments (170)
Koleckai 16
Please seek professional help.
madriver10 4
this sounds like it's out of "the suite life on deck" cuz there was an episode specifically about this. what's next, a fear of ping pong balls? or an addiction to sniffing rabbits? oh my god i have no life..fml
coxenator1105 9
bananas are tasty
kc12062 8
This is stupid.
Km1490 20
Bananas wont hurt you.. they arr very friendly.:p I just ate one and it didnt stab me
Ardian4954 9
You're a pathetic excuse of a human being. Please do us all a favor and DO NOT REPRODUCE !!
meaganxo 14
She can't help it that she has a weird phobia. I'm sure she has a reason as to why she's afraid, so why don't you stop being disrespectful.
Ardian4954 9
And why don't you take one of those bananas that is terrorizing the idiots dreams an shove it. Seriously who in the right mind is afraid of a soft fruit ?? And of course the OP has a reason it's called being an idiot
InsaneBolt 7
Damn that is bananas!
Psych0siis_fml 1
Banana's in pajamas walking down the stairs...
GamerAM 12
You know, you guys insulting OP for a PHOBIA obviously don't understand that PHOBIAS DON'T ALWAYS MAKE SENSE. There are people who are scared shit-less of people who are 'too attractive'. It's a PHOBIA. Also, **** yourself.
tigrouficele2012 44
I have a phobia of lettuce. Every time I go out to eat with my family, all three of them order a ******* salad, and then it's too close to me and I start to panic and they get mad because they hate it when I act "weird" in public...so I have to second this sentiment. Phobias are phobias, and sometimes they have no origin, and a lot of times they're baseless...but they're still there, and harassing someone over it can be downright cruel depending on how you do it.
buckdharma 37
Pick the two biggest out of the bunch, peel the skin off them, and make a pair of slippers out of them.