Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
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Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML
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Top comments
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
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Comments (170)
olpally 32
You should eat a banana. Nothing like just facing your fears.
hulopro 16
Did you surrender to the bananas by any chance?
buckdharma 37
When a bunch of bananas attack me, ice cream! Then they split.
mwali02 32
Nicely done. :)
Effinusername 7
Isnt there an episode of "Suite Life on Deck" where Zack is afraid of bananas or something?
Luigi2012SM64DS 6
I know your pain. Phobias suck. Do you know why you are afraid of bananas? Or is it just some sort of psycological thing.
glabberfasted 16
All phobias are psychological :)
Curlytwirly22 17
That's kinda funny...no offense
Raging_hamster 5
I don't know why this amazed me so much.
zandalee 19
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Dinoporeon 9
All the good banana jokes have already been used. So I'm going to make like a banana and split.
shaytards_fml 9
oh nanana what's my name