Work: Office Space - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 38

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 135

Office Space

By Mishlette - 23/01/2015 13:27

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 807

You deserved it 2 742

Own it

Walk on the wild side

Best teeth in the game

31/10/2014 14:27

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 524

You deserved it 2 906

14/02/2016 16:26

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 678

You deserved it 3 362

12/09/2011 19:25

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 36 926

15/08/2010 16:05

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 307

You deserved it 3 610

A complaint of Karens

By Fuckthispandemic - 19/02/2021 08:01

Today, while working as a manager in a busy restaurant, I was hit in the face by a grandmother with a balloon, calling me a motherfucker, while her granddaughter chucked a salad plate into the kitchen. Why? I told them they had to leave at 10, which is currently pandemic law in my state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 57

04/08/2009 20:21

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 826

You deserved it 7 156

Dad jokes, part #23556

By ashamed - 28/10/2019 02:00

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 177

01/08/2010 05:05

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 905

You deserved it 33 561

20/03/2013 02:52

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 067

You deserved it 45 061

19/06/2013 07:22

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 306

You deserved it 5 746

21/08/2016 09:21

Spicy

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 489

You deserved it 18 687

10/04/2014 02:33

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 928

You deserved it 12 754

You sleep in your pants?

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 18:30

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 139

Mom of the century

By Central - 29/10/2019 12:00

Today, I've not had any contact with my mother for years, and when tornadoes came through our hometown and wiped out most of our downtown area, she didn't contact me at all. I finally contacted her myself. Her reason for not contacting me? She had "watched the news" and "knew I was OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 193

31/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 208

14/09/2015 22:56

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 2 254

15/09/2012 22:16

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 130

You deserved it 7 550

25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 458

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had a movie date planned with a guy. After a polite exchange, we were interrupted by a phone call from his colleague saying they had an emergency that needed his attention. He excused himself to take the call, telling me he wouldn't be long. He drove off and blocked my number the moment he stepped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 102

It wasn't me!

By cantwin - 31/05/2013 13:54

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 389

You deserved it 3 707

08/06/2014 18:01

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 4 534

08/04/2015 14:43

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 956

You deserved it 2 268

22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 889

You deserved it 1 109

29/06/2009 19:52

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 219

You deserved it 8 318

09/03/2012 06:59

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 103

You deserved it 7 729

29/04/2012 15:22

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 178

You deserved it 2 863

27/09/2016 10:15

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 166

You deserved it 1 957

Go away, creep

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 68

28/05/2013 07:11

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 035

You deserved it 9 977

01/10/2016 07:18

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 880

25/06/2012 14:05

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 195

You deserved it 5 481

15/06/2016 20:08

Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 244

You deserved it 1 518

Alone

By LonelyStranger - 02/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 367

You deserved it 204

01/07/2016 20:12

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 5 254

22/10/2009 03:16

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 408

You deserved it 5 315

04/10/2010 04:04

Spicy

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 781

You deserved it 6 175

20/04/2014 02:39

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 3 530

Miss me yet?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 2 784

16/04/2017 08:00

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 315

You deserved it 317

14/03/2015 16:11

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 386

You deserved it 2 608

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:15

That sucks. I would leave if this continues, don't want to be working in a negative ass environment.

AnthonyWheeler15 24

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:16

Yikes, how can he expect positive outcomes from his employees when he's breathing down their necks and being a dick? Hope it gets better OP.

Comments

BloodyDemon_fml 22

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:15

Sounds like a shitty job :P

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:34

Why did everyone hate on this beautiful pun

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:48

Because this isn't a pun.

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Friday 23 January 2015 21:08

It's more of a smelly job.

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:15

That sucks. I would leave if this continues, don't want to be working in a negative ass environment.

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:49

Every job is almost a negative ass job environment where I live

_parth 20

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:49

I would probably work there till I find another job. It's Peso talking.

AnthonyWheeler15 24

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:16

Yikes, how can he expect positive outcomes from his employees when he's breathing down their necks and being a dick? Hope it gets better OP.

HyunnK 18

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Friday 23 January 2015 22:48

It builds character.

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Saturday 24 January 2015 21:36

It starts bankrupcy.

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:16

It wouldn't be called work if your boss was nice. I empathise with you on this one.

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:19

Nice bosses actually motivate their employees to work better and harder and give that positive vibe without that fear of being fired because the boss isn't a dick. If your boss is practically nice then you'll always look forward to working.

engineerosaurus 26

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:46

Sometimes bosses do need to be tough, but being tough when called for is not a euphemism for routinely being a shithead.

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Friday 23 January 2015 20:01

My boss is incredibly nice until you piss her off or do something wrong, and then she'll turn bitch mode on whilst telling you off. And then she'll be nice again. All bosses should be like her.

randomname98 22

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Friday 23 January 2015 20:49

My boss was the nicest person in the world! Do your job well and your boss will (generally) be nice!

blondeamazonian 18

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:17

Sounds like a douchebag and a lunatic all in one. Best of luck to you OP, whether you try to stick it out, or look for something better/saner.

TurtleSandWhich 11

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:20

That would suck. If I were you I'd try to find a new job.

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:20

The only thing that sucks worse than an asshole boss is...um...is, uh... Nope, nothing's worse than that. Well, other than "shitty situation" comments.

HyunnK 18

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Friday 23 January 2015 22:52

Finding out your friends shoved a bottle up your butt sucks. Or so I've heard.

ProfessorMctitie 20

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Saturday 24 January 2015 1:39

Im just curious what OPs boss does when he farts in his own chair. He probably sniffs it

brittaaany_93 38

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:21

It really annoys me that people like this get manager positions. No one wants to work in an environment like that with a shitty boss. I know the feeling all too well, hope it gets better!

PenguinBitch 43

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:30

"Called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to disinfect his chair." Hhahahahah. That's going too far.

CaliCassanova 14

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Friday 23 January 2015 19:33

Hhhhm I hate guys like that! Who always want to play who has the bigger dick! In my personal experience the guys that want to play are always bluffing call him out on the attitude and record everything that happens so you have proof!

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Friday 23 January 2015 23:31

Since he is the boss, it would be kind of hard to call him out, especially since op is new. My boss is a complete bitch, everyone knows she is, but she has worked here so long, she can be. I just act super nice, it drives people like that crazy.