Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML
Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML
Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML
Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML
Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
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Top comments
TheEpicFoo 0
That's one determined bully.
worldcupcheer17 0
call the cops he's a creepy ass stalker lmao
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Comments (390)
BIEBERSLAYER 10
All you have to do is go to his trailer or whatever kick his door down while waving a shotgun that'll shut him up for good
Sassybq1 13
sounds like SOMEONES gay for you. -peanut voice- you're so cute.
wildcat12000 6
its my birthday too :D
KB616 11
change your number and/or call the cops. that's harassment & I can't believe you've put up with it for so many years.
HomeAl0ne 20
You've had 20 odd years to figure out what to do, and the best you've come up with is whining on FML? Get creative... Write an anonymous letter to Homeland Security saying that this guy has been doing a whole bunch or terrorism related things. They'll put his name on the no-fly watchlist and at a minimum he'll get body searched every time he tries to get on a plane. Figure out where he lives and get his address and Facebook account and email address and start signing him up for every dubious piece of spam and mail order you can find. Every free offer in every magazine or website you read. Mail random packages to him from various places with weird things in them. White powder, vials of blood, letters threatening to tell the police about unspecified activities. Get him paranoid. Do a letter drop of his neighborhood alerting residents that he is a sex offender. Photoshop up a letter from a solicitor in the town where you went to high school saying that their client, a single mother with cancer, wants to make contact so he can meet his biological daughter. Took me 5 minutes and I'm a nice guy. Imagine what you can do with the next 20 years.
hellojuicyhello 5
haha
Daniruu 4
Change your phone number
angryyute 4
tell him where you are, meet him, and punt him the balls
angryyute 4
kick him in the balls
charlespressler 0
happy birthday