Money: Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 49

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 27

05/01/2010 17:28

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 994

You deserved it 78 541

Age difference

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 148

06/08/2014 13:21

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 241

You deserved it 4 020

31/10/2011 16:22

Today, I convinced my teacher to let me resit a very important test I failed. I got a lower score the second time around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 526

You deserved it 35 773

29/01/2012 16:23

Spicy

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 2 529

05/05/2014 21:51

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 588

You deserved it 4 728

27/04/2013 20:23

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 561

You deserved it 3 660

19/04/2016 01:09

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 753

You deserved it 2 011

Shame! Shaaaame!

By poormomma - 15/04/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 247

12/04/2014 05:24

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 761

You deserved it 8 375

19/09/2014 03:15

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 4 080

03/12/2012 05:06

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 510

You deserved it 8 948

03/09/2013 23:53

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 737

You deserved it 40 787

25/11/2015 06:57

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 410

You deserved it 4 997

07/12/2009 03:32

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 815

You deserved it 35 609

18/01/2010 20:04

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 098

You deserved it 4 790

14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 293

03/11/2009 04:33

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 040

You deserved it 2 008

10/05/2017 10:00

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 195

You deserved it 336

31/05/2015 04:47

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 13 043

25/06/2009 08:34

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 210

You deserved it 4 362

25/06/2013 20:43

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 765

You deserved it 3 378

20/11/2018 15:00

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 7 124

18/11/2014 00:56

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 772

You deserved it 35 718

04/12/2010 23:28

Spicy

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 419

You deserved it 36 619

16/01/2015 22:15

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 6 079

23/01/2010 08:05

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 080

You deserved it 29 534

05/05/2009 05:43

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 517

You deserved it 101 196

05/11/2018 03:00

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 629

You deserved it 351

23/07/2019 02:00

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 2 368

12/01/2013 05:11

Spicy

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 423

You deserved it 39 717

10/10/2011 13:56

Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 188

You deserved it 3 632

21/04/2009 12:52

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 587

You deserved it 19 630

Hide and Seek

By Hide -n- Seek - 16/11/2019 20:00

Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 328

You deserved it 133

20/09/2009 23:19

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 123

You deserved it 3 895

Gratitude walks

By funnywoe - 19/07/2020 20:01

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 159

10/02/2009 15:08

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 064

You deserved it 5 773

14/09/2012 23:06

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 595

You deserved it 3 335

01/01/2016 14:28

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 971

You deserved it 1 972

20/12/2012 08:16

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 642

You deserved it 4 748

25/07/2012 19:46

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 2 536

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:18

Of course it was super close. Handicapped people generally can't get around very well. F their lives if they had to park in a far away normal space because you can't handle twelve seconds of cold.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

You deserved it. Nothing else to say, really.

Comments

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:18

Of course it was super close. Handicapped people generally can't get around very well. F their lives if they had to park in a far away normal space because you can't handle twelve seconds of cold.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 1:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 1:18

See also: "Today, I broke the rules and got punished for doing so. I did not expect to have that happen to me. FML."

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 7:24

Consider yourself lucky... its a $825 fine in San Francisco, California now.

ultravioletfoil 0

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Thursday 7 January 2010 6:45

pendulum2010 or whatever: Since when has it been okay to be an ignorant shit-smeared douchebag?

Mx718 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 22:37

I guess he desevred the spot. He's mentally retarded.

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Sunday 14 March 2010 19:00

Wish it were that steep a fine here (Melbourne). It might make more disabled spots available for use by the disabled.

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 0:35

props to u mx

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

You deserved it. Nothing else to say, really.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:23

YDI- handicapped spots are for the handicapped not the stupid

willowflame13 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 9:39

she also deserved it for using redbox to begin with. find yourself a blockbuster and rent movies the good ol fashioned way.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 9:55

Redbox is fantastic. $1 for 1 night. Why would you pay 5 dollars for 5 nights when you know you'll only watch the movie once or twice while you have it? Unless you're implying that when you rent a movie from blockbuster you watch it every single day that it's in your possession. Redbox saves money, which people need these days.

HeyThereGorgeous 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 6:06

all the blockbusters went outta business where I live ):

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

ultravioletfoil 0

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Thursday 7 January 2010 6:48

Or they just shouldn't park in spaces where they're not supposed to. Revolutionary thought, I know.

PutDownTheGun 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:22

Too bad the ticket wasn't more, you deserve it for being lazy, a handicaped person may have been close.

klc20071989_fml 20

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Monday 23 December 2013 9:06

Defiantly agree the fine should have been more!

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:22

Today, I was going to get a movie to watch with my grandkids. The only handicapped spot was taken and so I had to park at the end of the lot and walk through the cold. FML

mollyjynxjax 28

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Sunday 19 May 2013 20:19

People shouldn't just get handicapped tags because they are old. They should have to have a legit disability

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Tuesday 21 May 2013 7:29

Most elderly people need it because they are unsteady on their feet. Or because they have fallen, broken a hip, and have a hard time walking now. Regardless, to get the handicapped sticker you do need to have your doctor verify a handicap, its just that it is much more common for the elderly to get.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:23

Not an FML. it is more of an f' the handicapped people who actually needed that space. Obviously you were in there longer than you realized and I doubt this is the first time you parked in a handicapped spot. You totally deserved it. No FML for you.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:24

You gambled and lost. YDI.

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Friday 8 January 2010 4:48

Even if she won, think of wat some lady in a wheelchair would have to go through because the OP was to effing selfish to walk outside for ten seconds in the cold.

Alihb 16

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Wednesday 19 June 2013 20:14

GAARA

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:28

I don't know how to say you deserved it more.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:30

Your life is fucked... you clearly are retarded so deserve to be in that space.

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 6:45

Disabled parking is not for the MENTALLY disabled. Only a retard would park in that space and expect to get away with it. Parking FAIL.