Love: Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He... - FML

By hopeless - 08/04/2011 15:03

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 496

You deserved it 3 976

Your cooking, dude

Animal lover

Emergency room time

By Sleepy - 09/10/2014 14:10 - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 15 611

By clueless - 19/05/2014 17:15 - United States - Irvine

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 585

You deserved it 58 972

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 849

You deserved it 50 138

By cammy123 - 08/05/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 562

You deserved it 47 144

By NeoDepressed - 31/03/2019 12:00 - Czech Republic

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 603

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 137

By London - 18/09/2009 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 087

You deserved it 3 374

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 460

You deserved it 7 071

By princev - 18/06/2011 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 579

You deserved it 112 645

By j1hill33 - 14/07/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy that yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 027

You deserved it 2 349

By meach - 06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 4 166

By virginat16 - 14/12/2010 11:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 106

You deserved it 7 765

By knevs - 22/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 679

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 17:38 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 498

You deserved it 9 621

By badhairday - 26/12/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 644

You deserved it 5 884

By stupidgirl - 30/09/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 14 139

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 226

You deserved it 5 451

By xXangelaXx - 21/08/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 166

You deserved it 6 072

By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 247

You deserved it 3 440

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 842

You deserved it 1 455

By Anonymous - 26/05/2009 21:37 - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 203

You deserved it 3 876

Frozen

By Scarred for life - 13/03/2020 08:00

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 132

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 521

You deserved it 5 337

Rude!

By leahtortilla - 21/11/2021 11:01

Today, I was at Universal Studios. Beetlejuice said to me, "Glad to see they're letting the Weasleys out of Harry Potter Land!" I'm a redhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 280

By -__-" - 29/09/2013 05:45 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 490

You deserved it 4 539

By Offended - 19/02/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 258

You deserved it 2 978

By phlyingphuck - 31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 577

You deserved it 7 863

By trekkiewife - 20/10/2015 19:45 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my husband jokingly said to me, "I think you love Captain Kirk more than me." Without thinking, I said in a serious tone, "I think I do, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 086

You deserved it 7 918

By nothotforteacher - 07/01/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 876

You deserved it 2 896

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 931

You deserved it 4 217

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 1 061

By Crawlinginmymemes - 02/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 1 970

By latino14 - 15/06/2012 11:27 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 100

You deserved it 39 299

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 587

You deserved it 2 649

Galaxy brain take

By Oragami - 12/06/2020 14:07

Today, a customer told me it was bullshit we couldn't serve coffee because of the COVID restrictions, and added that the protests and riots happening are because people are bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 211

By justme - 02/11/2013 13:21 - United States - Alliance

Spicy

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 734

You deserved it 6 026

By cheddar - 20/07/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 358

You deserved it 2 624

By jada - 04/01/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 280

You deserved it 3 734

By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 6 592

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Top comments

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:53

go out with him, at least he's punctual.

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:54

did he get you a present?

Comments

Kolden 11

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:52

sorry

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:41

sorry? your stalker at least loves you more than your family. I'd say invite him in, what harm could that do? maybe you'll get a present.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:47

he's saying sorry for knocking on the door so loud.

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:24

win!^

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:16

At least you know he cares! I only stalk the guts I really love(: Happy Birthday op!!(:

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:19

*girls :P Autocorrect is my stalker, she follows me everywhere. I know just how to turn her off, but I'd be lonely without her. D:

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:49

lol!! omg, troll! how I've missed u. where the hell have you been?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:20

I've been on the moon! I've got Martian vaginas and alien crispies, if you're interested.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:50

You found Martian's on the moon?

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

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Saturday 9 April 2011 1:54

Martians moved to the moon after Al Gore convinced them of global warming. They're regretting that decision.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 5:05

so is Al Gore as he is currently hurtling towards the sun strapped to a rocket.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 17:18

al gore was genuinly trying to help the world. people always say if global warming is true than why is it so cold. lemme hit you with some knowledge global warming simply means we will have hotter summers and colder winters therefore cutting off fall and spring. my point is eventually the weather will change so dramaticly that humans will no longer be able to live on earth. *pimped slapped*

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Sunday 10 April 2011 6:02

hey at least someone cares. you should have invited him in for a late dinner and birthday sex.

SweetMonkey15 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 5:03

109 I always thought auto correct was a boy lol

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:53

go out with him, at least he's punctual.

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:06

Exactly. Awww, OP I think that's just the sweetest thing ever! Lol. Did you invite him in?

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Saturday 9 April 2011 0:00

I don't think OP wouldve been able to share this FML if she wouldve invited him in.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 4:21

I would think your obligated at this point.....

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:53

party with them if you really have nothing to do.

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Friday 8 April 2011 22:02

exactly what I thought!

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Friday 8 April 2011 23:21

This reminds me of the next-door neighbor on two and a half men..

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:54

did he get you a present?

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:54

he's a keeper.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 19:13

creeper*

YayaInLalaLand 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 19:19

I'm pretty sure he mean 'keeper' in a very sarcastic tone. Fail

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Friday 8 April 2011 19:24

Really 23? I'm pretty sure 18 was joking.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 19:58

lol, Ty 24. I guess my level of jokes is just too advanced for some people sometimes....

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:00

24 why can't you take a joke? 23 was obviously just joking.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:07

I don't knowwwww, didn't sound like a joke in my head. seemed more like 23 has a grammar nazi problem and jumped at the chance to correct "one"

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:23

Ya, 23's an idiot.

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:34

I'm certain 45 was joking. Come on!

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:37

57, I was obviously joking...

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:48

Whatever number posts under me is clearly joking. Damn you people need to relax.

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:55

OVERLOAD!

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:11

nah, 64 is just joking guys

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:11

My cousin corey thinks life is a joke, he's in high school.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 21:27

70- that's gonna get old real quick.... like 2 minutes ago.

LSU33DucKAholiC 0

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Saturday 9 April 2011 4:18

haha sooo just joking :)

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Saturday 9 April 2011 5:08

we need to stop joking around here ppl. ;P

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Saturday 9 April 2011 14:45

lol gutzz u crack me up!!!

fluorescentadole_fml 8

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Sunday 10 April 2011 4:00

45 "your angush sustains me" that's brilliant, I'll be using that! thanks

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Monday 14 May 2012 0:05

............ i

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:55

He rang it at noon? Why???

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Friday 8 April 2011 19:09

no at midnight

james_aka_frosty 3

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:09

*facepalm* it was a joke. jeez what's wrong with people these days why does no one understand jokes anymore.

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 20:29

wait... everything sounds funny in my head...

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Friday 8 April 2011 22:13

maybe #6 goes by military time?

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Friday 8 April 2011 22:20

Nope I was joking.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 3:23

FML comments used to be fun to read.

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:55

Happy Birthday, OP!

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:57

that fucking sucks lol

MyNameIsBruce 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:58

Surprise!

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Friday 8 April 2011 18:58

Lol Awww;)) lmao at #2

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 100

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 1 250