Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does...

By LetsMakeLove - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Fake News

I CAN HEAR YOU

By d.stack - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

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By darn it. - United States

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

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By Great - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

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68639

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By altocrm - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

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By Highschoolsucks - 18/3/2020 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Unexpected item

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

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By sorry :/ - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

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37945

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By OhDeary - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

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41261

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By Anonymous

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

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By wickedbeauty333 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

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By divorcee - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

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27979

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By - 18/1/2020 18:00

Strange flight

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

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By Stupidhuman - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

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3470

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By Pseudo - France - Vitry-le-fran?ois

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

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13221

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By Omar Khalaf

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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2986

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By Brody89 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

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73449

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By Moving On - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

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24497

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By crier - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

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50456

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

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10262

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

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4806

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By Edgarillo - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, my hairdresser apologised because he couldn't distinguish the hair from the back of my head from the hair from my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 14:02

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML

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By perverted teenage girl

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 23:01

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where i was working. FML

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608

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

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35415

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By Indigo_Kitten - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

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By KenzFell - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

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28078

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By jaderie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

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27227

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By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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461470

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By Gioia - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

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39477

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

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By lez probs - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

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56413

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By Erin - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

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8346

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By Laura - Paraguay

What's my name?

Today, as they have for the past three years, my boyfriend's parents have never called me by my actual name. They always "accidentally" call me by my boyfriend's ex's name. FML

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1697

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By ouch - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wheelchair was delivered. My brother and I were messing around with it when he rolled over my already injured foot. At least surgery is next week. FML

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Top comments

By zrhcrx | 0

#291455 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

it's called learning your limit bud...do you still have a job?

By McLaughlane | 0

#291484 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

damn...YDI for not knowing when to stop. Especially around your boss.

COMMENTS

By Zigster94 | 0

#291444 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:00

i smell a promotion coming along ;)

By zrhcrx | 0

#291455 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

it's called learning your limit bud...do you still have a job?

loodles | 0

#944757 - Sunday 14 March 2010 4:54

wow your poor boss

Today, I went to the game with some coworkers and put everyone on my tab. One guy bought about 20 beers and puked all over the place. We all just stared. FML.

22cute | 17

#3714304 - Sunday 11 December 2011 8:03

Yeah, I'm sure you were an emarasment to your boss. Ever think of that?

By Harlei81 | 0

#291461 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:02

Wow. That really sucks. YDI, though!

By GoGo_Tey | 0

#291465 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

hahaha

By blue_dude | 0

#291472 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

your boss sounds like an asshole, leaving you on your own when you were in that state

22cute | 17

#3714309 - Sunday 11 December 2011 8:05

Well, no, it's not the bosses job to babysit jackass employees...hello!

taybear0 | 14

#6228541 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 7:16

but what about human decency! yes, OP screwed up and behaved in an indecent manner. But you can't leave someone unconscious where who knows what could have happened to him. the boss or coworkers should've helped OP out, and the boss couldve fired OP later

By Zigster94 | 0

#291474 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

i smell a promotion coming in your future ;)
^ thats what i wrote as #1 and it got moded ...

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5479584 - Sunday 5 May 2013 17:43

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET MODDED?????

By ohhfudge | 0

#291477 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

you're dumb! better hope you still have your job

By Poonheart | 0

#291482 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

Oh, so you're the guy whose phone I stole...

By McLaughlane | 0

#291484 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

damn...YDI for not knowing when to stop. Especially around your boss.

By noshitsherlock | 0

#291490 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:05

YOU DESERVE IT. How old are you?