Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does...

By LetsMakeLove - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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8503

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Miscellaneous

Music nerds of the world unite!

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

What's more embarrassing?

By Noname - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29545

You deserved it

6887

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By klv8 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48618

You deserved it

3546

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46959

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4474

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By skinnybitch

Superficial

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1617

You deserved it

195

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32431

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2569

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By sadsenior - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73427

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36555

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By ...

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2248

You deserved it

507

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By names suck and so do I - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58084

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10104

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By watch_corn_dance - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49989

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By freed - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47511

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By Piano999 - United States

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5372

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By lonelyguy - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32740

You deserved it

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By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

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43821

You deserved it

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By fuuuudge - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51479

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47082

You deserved it

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By hangup - United States

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63463

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3249

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By notsobig - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28585

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31317

You deserved it

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By balancestrikesagain - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43323

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32349

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By widow - United States

RIP

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48311

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By Ozzie - Australia - Perth

Today, my 81-year-old mother threw out the packaging for a 3-day-old $1,700 monitor I was going to return due to a defect. I live in my own home, but she randomly visits to "clean up" without asking me. Now I'm stuck with an expensive, defective monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4237

You deserved it

607

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By BambooLove - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22973

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By neckcrack - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19130

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By j

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

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32496

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By Anonymous - United States

Sticky

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7974

You deserved it

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By razzmataz - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

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29886

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By willtype4food - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27722

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63559

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23540

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 19:02 - United States - Saint Paul

Stress level: 2020

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

981

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By burntloyalty - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32131

You deserved it

3203

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By Dashofweak - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14839

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By SpiderMan - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57325

You deserved it

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By thatcreepyteacher - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28696

You deserved it

1413

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By EmbarrassedMess - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4090

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By Anonymous

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2641

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151

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By CHEERS, TUMBLTARD

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44720

You deserved it

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By sluttyfox

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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3013

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Top comments

By zrhcrx | 0

#291455 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

it's called learning your limit bud...do you still have a job?

By McLaughlane | 0

#291484 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

damn...YDI for not knowing when to stop. Especially around your boss.

COMMENTS

By Zigster94 | 0

#291444 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:00

i smell a promotion coming along ;)

By zrhcrx | 0

#291455 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

it's called learning your limit bud...do you still have a job?

loodles | 0

#944757 - Sunday 14 March 2010 4:54

wow your poor boss

Today, I went to the game with some coworkers and put everyone on my tab. One guy bought about 20 beers and puked all over the place. We all just stared. FML.

22cute | 17

#3714304 - Sunday 11 December 2011 8:03

Yeah, I'm sure you were an emarasment to your boss. Ever think of that?

By Harlei81 | 0

#291461 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:02

Wow. That really sucks. YDI, though!

By GoGo_Tey | 0

#291465 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

hahaha

By blue_dude | 0

#291472 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

your boss sounds like an asshole, leaving you on your own when you were in that state

22cute | 17

#3714309 - Sunday 11 December 2011 8:05

Well, no, it's not the bosses job to babysit jackass employees...hello!

taybear0 | 14

#6228541 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 7:16

but what about human decency! yes, OP screwed up and behaved in an indecent manner. But you can't leave someone unconscious where who knows what could have happened to him. the boss or coworkers should've helped OP out, and the boss couldve fired OP later

By Zigster94 | 0

#291474 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

i smell a promotion coming in your future ;)
^ thats what i wrote as #1 and it got moded ...

rawr_ily96 | 24

#5479584 - Sunday 5 May 2013 17:43

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET MODDED?????

By ohhfudge | 0

#291477 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

you're dumb! better hope you still have your job

By Poonheart | 0

#291482 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

Oh, so you're the guy whose phone I stole...

By McLaughlane | 0

#291484 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

damn...YDI for not knowing when to stop. Especially around your boss.

By noshitsherlock | 0

#291490 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:05

YOU DESERVE IT. How old are you?