Love: Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might...

By RosesAreRed - 14/02/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 534

You deserved it 3 614

Love

Empathy lives

Compassionate

The bitch is back

By Sara - 25/02/2016 07:39 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 177

You deserved it 5 734

By KmartFart - 04/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 441

You deserved it 4 061

By demotivator - 02/11/2014 21:38 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 081

You deserved it 27 493

By NoValentine - 14/02/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 535

You deserved it 3 099

By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 2 293

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 00:01

Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 95

By skidoosh - 14/07/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 6 792

Cats can do anything, but they have to want to

By Thankful I wear glasses - 29/06/2021 19:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 16:45

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 267

You deserved it 1 091

By Anonymous - 31/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 324

You deserved it 286

By elevatorjerk - 02/09/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 613

You deserved it 13 913

By wheezy - 06/09/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 977

You deserved it 28 184

By Andrew Dutch Beebe - 25/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 87

By Sonotsuave - 17/05/2019 01:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 119

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 541

You deserved it 6 397

Say Anything 2.0

By notsomuch - 01/08/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 756

You deserved it 3 931

By nu_ravers_101 - 27/07/2010 13:56 - United States

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 264

You deserved it 4 047

Some help

By fuckwank - 20/09/2013 20:31 - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 12 399

By Anon - 29/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 452

By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/02/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 54 703

That's awkward

By Dannotmann - 04/05/2021 22:01

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 3 082

By caswell 1 - 28/02/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 447

You deserved it 13 177

By Anonymous - 25/02/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 844

By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - 19/12/2014 23:14 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 960

You deserved it 4 605

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 06:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 980

You deserved it 1 593

By anon - 06/01/2015 00:15 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 2 487

I want to smell feet

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 124

By distracted - 16/09/2012 07:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 6 785

By Noname - 11/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 427

You deserved it 61 215

By Jailbird - 09/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 214

You deserved it 539

By mrs.nerd - 23/10/2011 12:38 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 4 519

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 898

You deserved it 62 217

By sopheeah - 29/05/2012 07:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 2 899

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 658

You deserved it 43 336

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 819

You deserved it 42 725

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 7 335

By cutiekenz21 - 31/07/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 8 337

By KO - 12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 730

You deserved it 4 361

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 482

You deserved it 6 180

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 137

You deserved it 2 455

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Top comments

toddin 7

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:21

Tell him to go to rehab. :)

CyrusTheBlue 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:21

Be glad someone wants to give you something. Women are so ungrateful.

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:20

Self humiliation. :D

Averizzle 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:25

The vday card should of been lined with cocaine.

elledubb 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:40

lmao!

DogmaT_fml 4

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Monday 15 February 2010 2:08

lacing someone's genitals with drugs to get them addicted it, is not funny.

arman1717 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 3:27

totally!

afolsom 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:21

third

toddin 7

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:21

Tell him to go to rehab. :)

Jrook 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 3:26

oh no no no

ladiesman14 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 13:30

i bet you bought him all kinds of crack and dope and made him addict ? then when you didnt want to party amymore you dumped him. after he smoked himself retarded you kicked him out YOU BITCH.

CyrusTheBlue 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:21

Be glad someone wants to give you something. Women are so ungrateful.

Xuphra 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 0:14

#5 Win :3

GalaxyShots 21

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Saturday 6 December 2014 4:17

Men are so ignorant.

fmivida1 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:22

might want to check if those flowers are really flowers if you know what I mean.

eeeeeeee 5

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:25

Opium FTW.

ImRawrtastic 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 4:52

lmao

LemonMan 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 4:58

Roflcopter

qwertyt 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:22

Fuck you

corleon198425 22

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:26

priceless

quietlytearful 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:27

that's nice. I think you should forgive him. :D even if he is a "druggie"...

morella_xx 29

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Monday 15 February 2010 5:32

I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're ~13 years old. A "druggie" in middle school (the kid who smokes cigarettes and weed on the weekends) is a far cry from a "druggie" in the adult world. If he's making jokes about his drug use he obviously doesn't view it as a problem, which the OP does. So no, disregarding her feelings to further his interests is not "nice." But it is pretty typical of an addict.

YeahFMLxX 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 5:57

damnit shut up you troll.

PwnerJohn 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 8:29

^ you're a troll :3

Ultimate_Cynic 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 11:35

YOU'RE a towel!

moonlight_daze 8

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Monday 15 February 2010 14:57

#73, Bullshit! In the adult world, there are idiots who label anyone who smokes pot as “druggies”. The lie of Reefer Madness is still told and believed by gullible adults.

jamesyy 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:27

I agree with #5,so what you get your crush then? see lol I dobt she has ever given a gift. that's what you get for expecting to much.

justmeagirl 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 1:30

You're cared for. Stop complaining.

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 2:28

I guess you've never been relentlessly pursued by an ex or someone you don't care for? I was stalked for a couple of years by an abusive ex and it wasn't cute or anything to be grateful for. I can see this being an FML moment. I would've refused delivery.

ladiesman14 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 13:34

boohoo get over it. i bet you tell everyone you meet that annoying sob story just to get attention. just to make it look like someone wants you.

ImaginaryFoe 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 17:07

Actually I never told anyone but my husband, the police, and my therapist but I can see how someone like you would assume I'm desperate for attention. Didn't get enough hugs as a kid? Mummy didn't love you? Better a sob story than a lame troll. Because nothing says "I avoid the spotlight" like naming yourself ladiesman, you twat.