Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning... - FML

By crosseyed - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15291

You deserved it

74184

Tweet

Share

Serious times

This is us

Where are you?

By BearGrillz - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36230

You deserved it

25902

Tweet

Share

By Arcam89 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18509

You deserved it

1342

Tweet

Share

By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12541

You deserved it

5068

Tweet

Share

By Wasthistheplace - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet my dad, who I haven't seen in years, at a convenience store. He didn't show up, because the location was "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30493

You deserved it

2841

Tweet

Share

By Kylie - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13945

You deserved it

28557

Tweet

Share

By Sorry - Canada

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25674

You deserved it

7768

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48633

You deserved it

6873

Tweet

Share

By fEk - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1877

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51515

You deserved it

4240

Tweet

Share

By fxck

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37287

You deserved it

3534

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59677

You deserved it

6036

Tweet

Share

By maddie - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37763

You deserved it

4931

Tweet

Share

By Lebac - United States - Burlington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35608

You deserved it

4029

Tweet

Share

By totallymyfaultyeah

Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4827

You deserved it

262

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23440

You deserved it

3213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32842

You deserved it

3635

Tweet

Share

By isuckasawaitress - Singapore

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27778

You deserved it

5177

Tweet

Share

By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32945

You deserved it

3853

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2471

You deserved it

245

Tweet

Share

By clips - United States

Today, I was on the bus. I heard a click right before something small hit my cheek. I looked over to see the lady next to me cutting her long, dirty fingernails. The bus was too crowded to move and It was a 20 minute ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29827

You deserved it

2542

Tweet

Share

By yourebeautiful - United States

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38988

You deserved it

2802

Tweet

Share

By kana__ - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34200

You deserved it

2633

Tweet

Share

By oliveoyl - United States

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36573

You deserved it

5242

Tweet

Share

By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1693

You deserved it

183

Tweet

Share

By IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo - United States - Beaverton

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42289

You deserved it

10632

Tweet

Share

By Numb - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50297

You deserved it

7011

Tweet

Share

By Sara246 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42486

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39463

You deserved it

2770

Tweet

Share

By sillyrabbit - United States

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8347

You deserved it

46264

Tweet

Share

By nomorebeard - United States

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41140

You deserved it

87365

Tweet

Share

By Jolene - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49426

You deserved it

3816

Tweet

Share

By emopoe - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32848

You deserved it

12965

Tweet

Share

By makayta - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a coworker asked me how I was because I looked down. I said, "You don't want to know." They replied, "You're right, I don't," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8737

You deserved it

3736

Tweet

Share

By WhyM3¿?¿

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2605

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By dogbreederssuck - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32380

You deserved it

2843

Tweet

Share

By Rusty Armstrong - 17/8/2020 05:01

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1108

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22638

You deserved it

48745

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28926

You deserved it

3827

Tweet

Share

By Joe - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25162

You deserved it

5710

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By julvett | 0

#291467 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

She probably spit in your food...

By Aciliveth | 5

#291469 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

Oh man. I hope you apologized and explained yourself. And even then...

COMMENTS

By WhiteDelight | 4

#291458 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

im first! and that sucks

By robbi_boo | 0

#291459 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:01

hahaha wow you screwed that up

Reply

katierenee | 0

#934604 - Thursday 11 March 2010 3:48

woww haha too funni

Reply

ShadowLuffer | 0

#3228993 - Saturday 3 September 2011 18:52

Sucks to be you... O.o

By julvett | 0

#291467 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

She probably spit in your food...

Reply

GamerChik | 2

#1175323 - Monday 2 August 2010 9:00

lol wow

Reply

morgann4826 | 0

#1626842 - Saturday 30 October 2010 17:19

lmao I hope

By tko | 0

#291468 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

haha lol u idiot

By Aciliveth | 5

#291469 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:03

Oh man. I hope you apologized and explained yourself. And even then...

Reply

krr10 | 5

#4846877 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 6:49

Try using the line 'I can see why your eyes can't stop staring at each other...'

By buckfasthero | 0

#291473 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

whahahahahahaha. Guess who's getting their food spat in every day!

Reply

cheerbabe3254 | 4

#3951181 - Friday 27 January 2012 13:35

Ur picture is creepy and r u really dead cuz that is what ur info says

By RandR | 0

#291475 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

Wow, that sucks. I don't blame you though, I can see how that would happen.

But to be her.. ouch. Get her flowers or some shit man. Poor girl :(

Reply

texasmadeG | 0

#864878 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 8:36

agree with #7

By Naheelawhatwhat | 0

#291476 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:04

Never make fun of those different from you, unless you want something bad to happen to you. Stupid.

By chunkofchange | 0

#291486 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:05

lmfao! of all the faces to make

By poopy910 | 8

#291492 - Thursday 11 June 2009 2:05

ouch... i understand that you were trying to be funny but next time? no cross eyes.