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Well if that's what it takes to prove to him it's his, I'd say do it. It's hard being a single mom.
Yes, he may just be a total loser guy. It is probably all his fault and he isn't manning up....or maybe she is an ex cause she is a cheater, maybe she "forgot" to take her birth control pills. All I'm saying is this type of scenario is happening all to often these days. I feel bad for the kids to be.
35 I always find it so hilarious that, in other FMLs, you whine and complain that you're a nice guy and that girls won't date you. Then you proceed to be a massive sexist douche. Hmm I wonder if there's a correlation? It takes two to make a baby. It's not suddenly all the woman's fault when she gets knocked up.
Well unless you gave him a reason to think otherwise, guy sounds pretty immature. If you can have sex you should know the consequences of it also
Not that unreasonable a request imo if OP wants him to pay child support, considering all the horror stories of men who've paid child support for years and years before finding out their 'child' isn't biologically theirs. Especially if the breakup happened to be a bitter one, I can understand why OP's ex may want to be 100% certain. Cuz keep in mind not all people who 'give reasons to think otherwise' are actually lying/cheating, while some people who are excellent at covering their tracks turn out to be doing just that.
#71 Maybe. Or maybe she's dealing with it a lot better than he is. I mean for instance, she seems to be looking forward to her baby, that's one way to get your mind off a painful breakup. Or maybe he's just a douche. Not assuming anything here, just throwing around possibilities.
105, you're a bright and shining example of America. Treating a baby like a toy or gadget. If you want it, keep it, if not just get rid of it. You don't just irresponsibly have sex and then decide if you don't want a baby, kill it. There's always adoption. You make me sick.
(#71) ... or that she is delusional and proceeding with her master plan for "true love" that started with her initial entrapment, pretending to take birth control, and poking holes in condoms for all the times he tried to escape the crazy. None of us knows what is going on in any way.
105- you don't know OP's or the ex's stance on that stuff. Just because those options are available doesn't mean they want those options. And the ex made his choice of involvement when he chose to help make it. Just because he's asking for a DNA test doesn't necessarily mean he wants OP to get an abortion. And if he did want her to and she didn't, that's too bad for him. His body isn't the one that has to go through with it. If he didn't want a baby he should have thought about that first. Even with all the protection in the world, things still happen. That's part of risk and resposibility of sex.
Looks like you passed one test and he'll pass the next. He wants to play that game? Text him back with two words as well: Child support!
We don't know her in real life. You can choose to take her word for it, or you can decide for yourself that she's a liar. Realistically speaking, a DNA test is probably not one of her biggest concerns now that she has to prep herself to be responsible for a baby that she's likely going to be raising singlehandedly, with or without a child support check that will barely pay for diapers.
Perhaps it was naive of me to believe her. But without knowing someone personally, I find it hard to harshly comment on a situation where someone might already be going through some tough times and needed a few positive words from someone. I do share your beliefs, don't get me wrong. But I try to reserve my rationalities and cynicism for people I know in real life :)
It's not a sin to sympathize or empathize. Most of the people you've deemed stupidly sensitive are people who still believe in honesty. In assuming that OP was telling the truth, they chose to offer words of encouragement. I personally don't see anyone wrong with it, despite knowing there are people out there who will look down on me for it.
OP wasn't out to earn your trust. Your trust isn't beneficial to her or anyone else here. And honesty isn't fickle. The heart is fickle but morals and values doesn't have to change because of it. It is lack of sympathy that makes the world a hard place to live in. I strongly believe OP just needed a place to lament and get a few words of encouragement from strangers. It needn't come to this since she's the only one who has to deal with the details of her predicament. You've really blown this out of proportions.
I don't think he ever said that OP needed to earn HIS trust, and I don't see how this has been blown out of proportion because all of his arguments were valid and very true to the situation. If OP is confident that her ex is the father then this shouldn't be a problem for her. I don't get why everyone is so quick to jump on the "he's a selfish douche" bandwagon. You know what, sometimes women are manipulative, selfish bitches. I'm not saying that OP is, she could be very innocent in all this but it's really not unreasonable to ask for a DNA test from your EX. If they were currently together then I'd understand it being hurtful.
sweetest jenn, you're not the one who faces paying child support for 18 years. I'm an optimistic person and I believe that the majority of people try their best to be kind and honest, but so long as stores still require you to bring in a receipt as proof of purchase in order to get a refund for a $10 stuffed toy, a man has every right to make 100% sure that he's not wasting tens of thousands of dollars on someone else's baby. Personally, I don't think it's realistically possible to have 100% unwavering trust in your partner, let alone your ex.
I never said I don't think OP and her ex shouldn't get a DNA test. I don't think she has a choice. What prompted this whole thing was the fact that I based my comments on believing that OP has no reason to lie about who her baby-daddy is. If she is, that's her business and she'll live with the consequences. That's all!!
Don't know why you two are arguing. If the DNA proves that OP's ex isn't the father, then obviously he wouldn't be obligated to pay child support. However, OP must have a reason for saying her ex is the father with such confidence. It's not as if she has to prove anything to us, a bunch of anonymous strangers online who can't influence her life at all.
Scenarios: 1: She accepts to take a DNA test, finds out her ex isn't the father. (He broke up with her because she had a one night stand) 2: She accepts to take a DNA test, finds out her ex is the father. After the ex gets 100% certainty, he is open to taking care of the child in a co-parenting system. (They broke up mutually) Both of those don't involve child support. All he wants to know is who the father is. Try and think why they're not together anymore.
Exactly, and even if he is the father, he never said he wasn't going to take care of the child by co-parenting. Also, what if from court he gains full custody and since he makes less than the mother, she has to pay child support. Such double standards. The man isn't always the one who pays child support. Depending on the circumstances, it can be the other way around.
And maybe he cheated on her, so she dumped him--before or after she knew she was pregnant is immaterial--but still wants him to be part of their child's life, and he is just being an absolute douche nozzle for whatever reason. It sounds as if he took the breakup worse than she did.
157, I don't think it's the mere fact that he's asking for a DNA test that is douchy, but the way he did it. She texts him about the baby, clearly excited and happy, and he replies with a two word text demanding proof that the child is his. It's understandable that he'd want proof, but you should treat the person with whom you may be raising a child with respect. To me, a DNA test seems like something you should ask for in person, or at least over the phone if that's not possible, or maybe even a letter or email. In any case, I don't think one should ask for something like that in a medium as impersonal as a text, especially if you've had a relationship with the person. It would be sort of like telling someone you're pregnant with their child in as few words as possible in a text. "I'm pregnant. It's yours." Imagine finding out that you're going to be a parent or that the father of your child is questioning the baby's parentage that way. That would suck.
#3 In a lot of states you can't force child support from a guy if you aren't married at the time of the birth and then there isn't a DNA test proving he's the father. The guy can willingly sign an affidavit that he's the father, but I highly doubt he's going to do that.
#161 well we don't know that he hasn't brought this up before, and she hasn't gone through with it. We also don't know that she didn't tell him she was pregnant by text. We really don't know much. Yeah maybe he was a little blunt and rude but we don't know how OP has acted either except for this "happy" text.
161 My coworker refuses to hear anything from her son about his maybe daughter after catching the mother texting other guys (the girl also lies constantly about many other things, like her age). When ever he tries to guilt her with their money problems (she caught the girl while she was letting the girl live with her rent free) by sending her baby updates she just a asks him if they're done the cheek swab yet. Maybe OP's ex has repeatedly told her he wants nothing to do with the baby/pregnancy until he has proof it's his.
not everyone fucks around when they're with someone. so if hes the one she was with , then yes, the baby would be the exes. but if he wants one so bad, then make him pay for it along with child support. takes two to make a baby. and if he doesnt take him to court to make him pay. it's as much his responsibility as it is yours. good luck
I really hate pregnancy FMLs because it always brings up the whole stupid "protection" debate. There is no 100% prevention for pregnancy, other than abstinence and infertility. Condoms, birth control, etc, are not 100% effective, and you can still get pregnant using them.
So you're saying that sex is the sole component of whether or not a relationship is healthy and happy? I've been with my fiancée about a year now without sex (waiting until marriage) and we have a lot happier and healthier relationship than a lot of other couples we know. It really just depends on the people involved. Sex is important but it's not the be all and end all factor of happy relationships.
215, I understand that. That's why I make sure to say it depends on the people in the relationship. I just think that sex is overrated and people use it as a vice. Lots of couples use sex as a way of not communicating and in those cases makes relationships more poisonous and unhealthy.
It's obvious he's just scared that he's got a little one he's responsible for. I hope he comes around and sees that children can be wonderful :)
I'd say do it. It's worth it, the child needs a father, and it's hard to do it alone.
#89 A father can pay child support without being physically present in the child’s life. I totally agree with #54 that a child deserves a father who wants to be in their life. If the father wants nothing to do with the child and he’s just going to treat it like dirt, then there’s no need to force him to be present. It’s his choice. But just because he doesn’t want to spend time with the kid or get to know him/her, doesn’t mean he can get out of paying child support. He has certain responsibilities too.
186-- unfortunately, if the father is a loser, he usually will not pay child support. And, unfortunately, I know of a few non-custodial parents that take the kid just to spite the custodial parent because they are 'forced' to pay child support, then ignore the kid.
He's not saying that he doesn't want to be a part of the child's life and I honestly don't think it's all that unreasonable for an ex to ask for a DNA test. They could have been broken up for a little while before OP realised she was pregnant, we don't know the circumstances surrounding their situation. If he's the father then OP has nothing to lose by taking the DNA test.
that tends to be my mode of thinking on these situations as well but based on the fml its seemed like it had already been established that she was pregnant before this and she was just sharing her happiness with him and then he just rudely tells her that.also i agree we don't know everything that's happened between them and something could have happened to push him to ask that.
See I didn't get that at all, I feel like nothing was established and possibly that there wasn't much discussion on the issue (pretty much what #26 said down below). I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with him asking his ex to prove that it's his baby. If you're going to be committed to someone for 18+ years I think you have a right to know if it's actually yours, especially if you're not in a committed relationship with the person claiming it's your baby. And also for all we know OP could have done something to make him respond in that "rude" way, I'm not so quick to say that she's just innocent and happy. She could be, but again we don't know.
i understand your point about him having reasons to wanting to know those things.but what I'm saying is based off of what was said in the fml it seemed as if they talked about it at some point before and that she was just starting a friendly chat with him which was followed by his remark. the reason i thought that is because it sounds a little odd for her to start off the first conversation of pregnancy to him by simply describing how cute its feet were.that's why it appeared to me they had to talk about it at some point before that text.either that or she had a pretty weird way of bringing up that subject up to him.
But maybe he had brought up this paternity request before? And she hasn't followed through which is why he gave her such a blunt response? I really don't feel like these two ever had a real discussion about it. She could have dropped this bomb on him last week or yesterday for all we know...I'm not necessarily saying she did any wrong doing on her part, but I'm saying that there's also nothing wrong with his request. We don't know what happened so I'm not gonna say she's innocent and take her side and say that he's being a rude douche. But I'm not saying that she's wronged him either. I just think it's understandable to question something like this when you're not with that person.