By couch_potato - 28/03/2013 07:53

Spicy
Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 784
You deserved it 24 716

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He wanted to make sure no one would steal it, obviously.

Why would you send your own son to the cops for masturbating at home?

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And why is that? Every guy masturbates. So why worry?

He probably thought "robbing one out". Never heard "rubbing" as masturbating...

Isn't rubbing one out used for girls? I think that's what #1 is getting at

'Rubbing one out' is not exactly an uncommon phrase, particularly on the internet. It's pretty equally used for both genders but if I really had to choose I'd say it was more to do with guys. I dunno why 1 is freaking out.

I'd say rubbing one out is more applicable to girls. There are much better ways to say that for guys :L

35, using the hand to masturbate for both genders involves rubbing.

I hate 'flick the bean' hahah

63, it's more of a back and forth motion than just rubbing for guys. Not that I'd know...

24, that's exactly what I was getting at. It seems that not many other people made the connection. Or I should have worded it differently.

He wanted to make sure no one would steal it, obviously.

Steal what? He was jerking off

*ZOOOOM!!!!*. Oh shit! That joke flew right past you.

Better to have that joke fly past you than hit you in the face!

Better to have it hit you in the face than look like an idiot!

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Why would you send your own son to the cops for masturbating at home?

Did you read the same FML that I did? Last I checked, there were no laws against masturbation.

Thanks for the laugh, I needed that. I think maybe you should read FML's slower from now on, I'm thinking you read this too quickly and jumped to conclusions that weren't there.

Rubbing one out = masturbating. What kind of slang is this anyway? British?

I think 4 has completely lost her fucking mind.

13- Sure there is. If you don't believe me, go flog your meat somewhere extremely public, you'll have the boys in blue showing up to encourage you to Cease and Desist all actions, just before they offer to show you their pretty station they work from. ;P 23- Rubbing one out, aka, rubbing your penis until you orgasm, not really odd slang you know. It actually makes perfect sense as an accurate description of masturbating. :p

What consequences would that be? Is there a secret organization of jack-off police that I am unaware of?

I do so hope you are being facetious.

Does no one here get sarcasm?

No. American slang but really it's a fairly old one used fairly prolifically online and even in movies. I'm honestly surprised you've never heard of it.

It's quite common slang here in Aus :)

#4 That's the dumbest thing I've heard (read) in a loooong time

Did absolutely no one get that #4's comment was sarcastic!? Wow.

Hahahaha! If you are serious, then turning in one's son for jerking off wtf. What exactly do you expect the cops to do to the boy? They all do it too!

In a way, #4, are you saying that you would do that to your child? Send them to jail, just for that? Because if so, that's effed up.

Jeez, are you fucking stupid? God haha thanks for the laughs, but the jokes on you!

#4 "Today, I made a comment on FML and got 115 thumbs down and getting more. I'm an idiot. FML."

he didnt mean robbing. haha. dnt worry honest mistake

You know, if #4's comment is sarcastic, they REALLY need to go back to sarcasm school. Because now they just look like an idiot.

Yes, #4. There are consequences for sexually gratifying yourself. If the dad were to actually talk to the police, they would laugh in his face and leave. How about you worry about more pressing and important matters that are actually worth calling the police; like domestic violence, arson, etc?

Maybe he was just marking his territory... Good luck OP!

I guess you wish that all seeing eye could blink.

"Look only if you wish to see." - Confucius Now that I think about it, I may have just made that up...

A better Confucius quote yet: "Man should learn to masturbate. Will come in handy."

I'm pretty sure Einstein said it.

"If you don't want to see, don't look" -Socrates Think thats the one.

"Peek not through a keyhole, lest ye be vexed" -Severus Snape There's the one.

Imagine the burglar breaking into your house and seeing that. Everyone loses.

couch like living room couch?? whoa that's a lil forward

And the term couch potato takes on a new meaning...

Couch potato? Naw... this ones a couch kumquat.

I would probably wait for a burglary to occur before watching any more videos. What you don't know can't hurt you or at least give you a mental scar.

I hope you didn't keep watching...