By Anonymous - 6/11/2019 02:30

Family coincidence

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

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Understandable

Great boyfriend

Peaky Bladders

By acnecream - 3/5/2013 13:23 - Finland - Kinnulanlahti

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2016 05:06 - United States - Miami

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

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By kinlin - 2/6/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

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By icarlypoop - 11/4/2020 23:00

Good impressions last

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

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By peanutface - 17/12/2010 13:20 - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

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By anonymous - 12/11/2014 05:21 - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

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By carboncoach - 13/12/2013 17:24 - Egypt

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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By MAWZ - 19/7/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 04:13 - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

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By vanguardwiley - 24/7/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

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By Avery - 24/3/2012 20:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

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By RawrSparkle - 21/9/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

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By Dee - 13/7/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

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By BenFiggy - 21/4/2016 13:28 - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Normal

Today, it's the 6th day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML

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By sillyfox4lyfe - 7/5/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML

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By hoaloha - 30/7/2012 04:40 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

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By harry - 4/12/2009 05:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

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By Ava - 27/4/2019 12:00

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

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By whatnot - 4/8/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

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By MrZhang - 23/6/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2013 05:36 - United States - Huntington

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

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By vadoodoo22 - 15/1/2010 05:02 - France

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

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By wallet? GONE - 21/4/2013 22:27 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

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By Shibs - 13/10/2015 16:55 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

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By mark807 - 28/4/2012 06:52 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

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By chi-huaHUA - 4/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

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By irony - 16/8/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

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By S. Tucker - 7/6/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2017 18:00

Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won't hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to "discover himself" 12 years ago. FML

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By Stupid - 22/4/2013 06:58 - United States - Post Falls

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

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Top comments

By Mathalamus | 24

#7857006 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 3:08

That's unfortunate, but you shouldn't divorce him over that. More than likely, nothing bad will happen.

By Razell | 13

#7857011 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:15

Does your family have any known recessive genetic diseases? If not, don't worry about the kid.

Have you told your husband yet?

Comments

By Mathalamus | 24

#7857006 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 3:08

That's unfortunate, but you shouldn't divorce him over that. More than likely, nothing bad will happen.

By Razell | 13

#7857011 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:15

Does your family have any known recessive genetic diseases? If not, don't worry about the kid.

Have you told your husband yet?

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7857016 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:48

damn, that's fucked up......

ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7857058 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 10:14

it deffo is

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7857057 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 10:13

the kid will be known as an incest freak like me

rnroy1995 | 9

#7857203 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 20:07

Same except my parents knew what they were doing

PryderPlayer017 | 2

#7857241 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 22:00

....wait what??

By pins91 | 27

#7857083 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 11:51

Out of the literal MILLIONS of sperm in a sperm bank, your mum just HAPPENED to pick your dads who had a kid to another chick who happened to be the man of your dreams?

I feel like this is a fake post...

hkatz | 9

#7857871 - Saturday 9 November 2019 0:00

or theyre soulmates

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7857096 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:21

I would go to the dr straight away a make sure, you and your husband being half siblings isn’t going to cause your baby any health issues. Then either have the baby or have an abortion.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7857100 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:28

Aww don’t feel weird. No one has to know

By Charlie Given | 22

#7857105 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:43

This also means that you both probably have other siblings that you don't know about.

By tipsyone | 20

#7857170 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 17:38

I’m not buying this. OP is clearly lying. Either she’s lying the whole thing or she’s making stuff up about sperm bank

at0micmin3r | 23

#7857623 - Friday 8 November 2019 9:37

You know this as an objective fact how?

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7857239 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 21:55

this provides a good question... is this morally questionable if neither you or your other family had any way of knowing this could happen??