By Anonymous

Family coincidence

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

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3526

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No one likes a smart-ass

Age ain't nothing but a number

Vibe check

By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

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1924

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Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

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2667

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164

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By noiguessitsbroken :( - Lithuania - Kaunas

Today, I asked my mum why she never had any children after me. She scoffed and asked if I've looked in a mirror lately. FML

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50608

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4818

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By hopeless - United States

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

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23142

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 11:02

Yeah, just blame me!

Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML

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1308

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By Frustrated - United States

Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27237

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By ST3PH - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51491

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3672

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10262

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26987

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By Bushfan101 - France

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13013

You deserved it

28615

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By Anonymous

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3893

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628

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

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65072

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By UnicornPancake

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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3398

You deserved it

378

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By keeks_25 - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

84671

You deserved it

25853

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By El Boz - United States

Splashed out

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20075

You deserved it

61690

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By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57673

You deserved it

4798

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By nataliepaige - Canada

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28577

You deserved it

12266

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By Lifes_overated - Australia

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

24991

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48617

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By oneillrox - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32745

You deserved it

4371

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By raz - United States - Fargo

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27419

You deserved it

2615

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By your mother - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

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12170

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40299

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By shit.jpg - United States - Waban

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28632

You deserved it

4004

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By babyscarface - United States - Orange

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16142

You deserved it

1515

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

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43764

You deserved it

8866

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By Adam

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

970

You deserved it

1570

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By doomed - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36017

You deserved it

3766

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By nevergettingajob - Canada

Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10025

You deserved it

25759

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By Hammy - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29638

You deserved it

3810

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By overexcited - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

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15973

You deserved it

38427

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By hairless - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

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31348

You deserved it

6749

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By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

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81780

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6017

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

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47010

You deserved it

3866

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By G-6

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

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14037

You deserved it

30423

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By omfgitburns

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

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48355

You deserved it

2849

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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66951

You deserved it

5581

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By EpicFail - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19993

You deserved it

4492

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By james88 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

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13521

You deserved it

37590

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3387

You deserved it

180

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

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40099

You deserved it

7423

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1687

You deserved it

155

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By xXangelaXx - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

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33112

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6064

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Top comments

By Mathalamus | 24

#7857006 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 3:08

That's unfortunate, but you shouldn't divorce him over that. More than likely, nothing bad will happen.

By Razell | 13

#7857011 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:15

Does your family have any known recessive genetic diseases? If not, don't worry about the kid.

Have you told your husband yet?

COMMENTS

By Mathalamus | 24

#7857006 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 3:08

That's unfortunate, but you shouldn't divorce him over that. More than likely, nothing bad will happen.

By Razell | 13

#7857011 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:15

Does your family have any known recessive genetic diseases? If not, don't worry about the kid.

Have you told your husband yet?

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7857016 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 4:48

damn, that's fucked up......

ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7857058 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 10:14

it deffo is

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7857057 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 10:13

the kid will be known as an incest freak like me

rnroy1995 | 10

#7857203 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 20:07

Same except my parents knew what they were doing

PryderPlayer017 | 5

#7857241 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 22:00

....wait what??

By pins91 | 27

#7857083 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 11:51

Out of the literal MILLIONS of sperm in a sperm bank, your mum just HAPPENED to pick your dads who had a kid to another chick who happened to be the man of your dreams?

I feel like this is a fake post...

hkatz | 9

#7857871 - Saturday 9 November 2019 0:00

or theyre soulmates

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7857096 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:21

I would go to the dr straight away a make sure, you and your husband being half siblings isn’t going to cause your baby any health issues. Then either have the baby or have an abortion.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7857100 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:28

Aww don’t feel weird. No one has to know

By Charlie Given | 23

#7857105 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 13:43

This also means that you both probably have other siblings that you don't know about.

By tipsyone | 20

#7857170 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 17:38

I’m not buying this. OP is clearly lying. Either she’s lying the whole thing or she’s making stuff up about sperm bank

at0micmin3r | 23

#7857623 - Friday 8 November 2019 9:37

You know this as an objective fact how?

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7857239 - Wednesday 6 November 2019 21:55

this provides a good question... is this morally questionable if neither you or your other family had any way of knowing this could happen??