Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 214
You deserved it 9 317

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Top comments

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Comments

Yes, wild from start to finish

Come on man, I would be pretty dramatic in this event as well.

Surprise muthafucka!

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

I used to do that when I lived withy mother in law. Now that we have our own place, it's doors open! Freeeeeeeedom! Lol. I'm probably going to get thumbed down. :'(

Man taking a dump with the door open is THE ultimate freedom. Thumbs up for you :)

But it's only wise to exercise that freedom when you're not going to be hanging around in the surrounding rooms for the next half hour. The door keeps the smell from spreading.

I lock the door even if I am by myself in my house. Security is more important than looking at the carpet outside my door while I sit helplessly on the toilet.

Expel fecal matter.

This might have been the most perfect FML I have ever read.

It paints a very vivid picture :O

And it's written grammatically correct! Simply wonderful!

Well did he congratulate you for the massive log?

...and ask you what the fuck you ate to create such a giant sub?

I think you over reacted ._.

Seriously, it's probably not the first time it's ever happened.

#6....I'd like to award you with the title of most original reply ever... Except it wasn't.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Well you don't have to read them! Damn

Because it says specifically on the website when you post that nothing is taboo.

If you have a problem with it then why did you read it? Next time just skip over it or don't read it.

Because shitting and even vomiting can be hilarious. Especially if you had pea soup for dinner and projectile vomit onto your wife whose taking a shit

how do you know to skip an FML because it's about shit if you don't read it?

also 7, because sometimes taking a shit can really fuck your life.

#39 Or your anus.

#17 You don't know what they're saying until after you've read the comment...

#7 Welcome to FML.

This made me crack up on the toilet.

Dulcolax stool softener.

Did he help you wipe your ass?

with his tongue?

20- Coprophilia is not welcome. Anywhere. If it is, you'll be notified.

Now that is the definition of true love right there

#20 how fucking old are you?

20. Sorry dude, that kind of humor only works on 9gag.

Sounds like a shitty situation.. Anyone..?

*loads gun* be still now. This is only going to hurt a lot.

Even though no anecdotes are taboo, certain comments are. *Ahem* this one.

It's not a shitty situation at all