Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 436
You deserved it 9 394

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Indianboy9321 25

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.


Indianboy9321 25

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Cassmoneyyy 15

I used to do that when I lived withy mother in law. Now that we have our own place, it's doors open! Freeeeeeeedom! Lol. I'm probably going to get thumbed down. :'(

AliceLockehart 18

Man taking a dump with the door open is THE ultimate freedom. Thumbs up for you :)

TheDrifter 23

But it's only wise to exercise that freedom when you're not going to be hanging around in the surrounding rooms for the next half hour. The door keeps the smell from spreading.

I lock the door even if I am by myself in my house. Security is more important than looking at the carpet outside my door while I sit helplessly on the toilet.

This might have been the most perfect FML I have ever read.

klovemachine 24

It paints a very vivid picture :O

And it's written grammatically correct! Simply wonderful!

Well did he congratulate you for the massive log?

...and ask you what the **** you ate to create such a giant sub?

Seriously, it's probably not the first time it's ever happened.

#6....I'd like to award you with the title of most original reply ever... Except it wasn't.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Because it says specifically on the website when you post that nothing is taboo.

If you have a problem with it then why did you read it? Next time just skip over it or don't read it.

Because ******** and even vomiting can be hilarious. Especially if you had pea soup for dinner and projectile vomit onto your wife whose taking a shit

cryssycakesx3 22

how do you know to skip an FML because it's about shit if you don't read it?

cryssycakesx3 22

also 7, because sometimes taking a shit can really **** your life.

octinate 17

#17 You don't know what they're saying until after you've read the comment...

euphoricness 28

Did he help you wipe your ass?

20- Coprophilia is not welcome. Anywhere. If it is, you'll be notified.

Now that is the definition of true love right there

20. Sorry dude, that kind of humor only works on 9gag.

Sounds like a shitty situation.. Anyone..?

*loads gun* be still now. This is only going to hurt a lot.

Even though no anecdotes are taboo, certain comments are. *Ahem* this one.