Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yeah, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for not buying a pack of cigarettes for my boss. I only lasted two months in that junkyard. FML
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Top comments
flirty19 0
YDI for smoking.
Lizzy86 0
haha! thats hilarious! btw, i smoke menthols too, i like the way they clear my nose.
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Comments (257)
zombina 0
Beggers can't be choosers.
Xephik 1
Not an YDI. Sure, second hand smoke hurts others, and smoking indoors should be banned (And is) but theres plenty of room for smoke to dissipate outdoors. If there isn't, walk 10 feet away. Anyways, everything in the world nowadays gives you cancer to some degree. At least we're enjoying it.
cturtle 2
Yeah, second hand smoke kills. If you're exposed to it for 10 hours a day for 30 years. If you honestly believe you're going to get lung cancer from walking by a smoker, then you're an idiot. If you don't like the smell, well tough for you. I hate the smell of perfume, does that mean we should ban perfume? And why stop there. Every smell must annoy someone, so we better just ban anything that smells.
mikey41414 0
LOL!!!! that's to funny
oh_dee 0
(it is kind of hard when your boyfriend's parents smoke or when you have to wait for a bus and don't want to lose your place in line but people light up there anyways...) (and no, i do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend because of that) ps i love the "they clear my nose" comment...sure, they might do that now, but what about the 482686593 other bad things they'll do to you in the near future? just saying. not trying to get into an argument or anything.
mikaela33194 0
Just for clarification, I am not whining about second hand smoke or saying that people who smoke should die. But I don't want to listen to people who smoke bitch about the taxes or how expensive cigarettes are. Cigarettes are not banned from inside in all places. And death is not the only risk. #39/cturtle I suggest you get some anger management if some web comments threw you over the edge as much as it did. Or maybe you need a cigarette break.
buctastic 0
Not everyone that smokes ends up with cancer or any other breathing related illness. So there goes that "enjoy your cancer", he might not get it. And I work for a toyota dealership, last time i checked even the best hybrids on the road emit exhaust fumes. And you're crazy if you don't believe the cigeratte companys love this new tax, it just helps them get in better with the big government. That IS so gay and I do mean it that way.
uglymoose89 0
whatever happened to "begger can't be choosers?"
dang_fml 0
I agree with #3 and all subsequent agreements
friedkabob1225 0
**** that hobo menthols are the shit