Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yeah, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for not buying a pack of cigarettes for my boss. I only lasted two months in that junkyard. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flirty19 0
YDI for smoking.
Lizzy86 0
haha! thats hilarious! btw, i smoke menthols too, i like the way they clear my nose.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (257)
chea_chea 0
It's really quite a shame that there are more comments chastising the fact that the OP smokes than discussing the FML itself. Let me just say, I would love to be able to just quit at the drop of the hat, and have tried many times, but it REALLY isn't that easy to do. So cut people some slack, you don't know the reason behind why they continue smoking, and what problems they might be having that are preventing them from quitting. I could tell you some (or many) of mine but by the sound of it, I would be wasting my time. Because after all, I'm not a human, I'm just a useless smoker!
the_question_mar 0
HAHA YDI FOR SMOKING!!!
tko 0
it should read: "today, i'm a f***ing retard because i smoke cigarettes. FML
lifeislife_fml 0
My mom got lung cancer and she never smoked. Just wanted to throw that out there. I guess I should say FML, so FML. And no one DESERVES cancer; that's just wrong. True, you can get cancer from pretty much anything, but smoking increases the chances greatly and can't be compared to eating grilled food or whatever, like someone said.
lowcapacityx 0
AHAHAHAHA! Homeless people are funny.
Asmoday_fml 0
a black hobo i assume
sameoldsameold 0
did you tell the asshole to get a job?
Asmoday_fml 0
a black hobo i assume
babawaba 0
@#154: Pretty sure ridicule can help you quit. Now be a good kid and enjoy your cancer.... Oh and be sure to tell your family or whoever hangs around you to enjoy it too, since residual smoke is even worse than smoking.
Alice_Cullen7 0
haha! funny :D ...I would stop smoking btw. It kills, and i know someone who died from it!