Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, a homeless guy asked me for a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in my pack, I gave it to him. He opened it, took one out and thanked me profusely. A bit surprised, I went on my way. Oh yeah, that's right, the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML
Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML
Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for not buying a pack of cigarettes for my boss. I only lasted two months in that junkyard. FML
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Top comments
flirty19 0
YDI for smoking.
Lizzy86 0
haha! thats hilarious! btw, i smoke menthols too, i like the way they clear my nose.
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Comments (257)
daisyfuck 0
#25; Right? When you stop smoking all your problems seem to just float away~~~~ Moron.
buctastic 0
Oh shit. I know someone who died in a car accident. Let's outlaw cars now. And hunting. And liquor. And stairs. And windows. And airplanes. And the military. Anyone get my point yet?
kurukururock 0
Funny, but not an FML.
mattmag 0
it amuses me that your expected lifespan is significantly shorter than mine.
saxmsilentx 0
pretty sure the person that said that newports are cheap, is totally out of his mind. they're almost 8 dollars a box! it's ridiculous!
badwhisky 0
#175 Cigarettes contain an addictive material and should be banned like marajuana, crack etc. as far as i know cars do not.
mikaela33194 0
#173--Drunk Driving is illegal. So to say alcohol should be more expensive because people break the law with it? I fail to see your argument. I feel in policy and in the real world (regardless of this blog post argument) the non smokers are winning. So if you have a problem with the way things are going...take action instead of bitching about it here. Write to your state congressmen and women. Get a petition going. Instead of huffing and puffing smoke out of your ass on this post.
imhawaiian 0
Hah now if you had Camel Crushes, you both could've been happy!
daiviko 0
I actually have an allergic reaction to cigarettes where my throat swells up whenever i inhale second hand smoke so I have to walk around downtown with a surgical mask. Nobody deserves to die, but I have little sympathy for people who willingly choose to do things that are known to give them cancer.
Penguines 0
Beggers can't be choosers.