Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

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The best cat

Vultures

Weird kid

By thenewgirl29 - 5/2/2015 16:42 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

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By Oregon - 4/12/2019 18:00

Does it taste good?

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

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By NotInterested - 23/8/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

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By soconfused - 3/3/2015 10:15 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I have been at my new job for almost a month and still have no idea what I'm doing. FML

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By nostamp - 10/7/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

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By boyfriendless - 10/4/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

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By - 9/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

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By IrisKitty - 18/8/2015 07:07 - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

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By Out from Hell - 22/4/2013 22:31 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

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By MoRuined - 9/10/2014 10:27 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

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By anonymous - 14/9/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

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By Oldhouse - 22/7/2014 03:46 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

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By ChubbyAmerican - 22/5/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

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By rnw - 21/7/2016 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2019 14:00

Are you taking the piss?

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2013 00:21 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2013 04:23 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

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By Sam - 18/1/2010 17:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML

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By Danielle - 6/6/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

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By Crushed - 7/7/2019 12:00

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip, just so that she wouldn't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

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By king400 - 25/11/2012 08:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML

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By anon - 9/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2012 22:00 - United States - Waterford

Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML

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By sexualpopcorn - 21/12/2014 03:37 - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 00:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

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By Anothermoose - 26/5/2014 03:34 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

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By comedybreak - 30/10/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 02:20

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

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By mylifesucks - 10/7/2013 20:10 - United States - Ellijay

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

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By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

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By FANZZY - 18/8/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2017 06:00

recoils in horror

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

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By Nik - 20/2/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

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By ostfae - 21/8/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

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By almost_a_pro - 23/4/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

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By vcarder - 26/9/2009 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By charlotte9338 - 23/10/2011 23:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

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By lostintellct - 11/5/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

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Top comments

By Ajjas013 | 6

#795631 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:08

Just take it back and sell it...

By Ajjas013 | 6

#795649 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:15

Maybe he's a soccer fan.

Comments

By Ajjas013 | 6

#795631 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:08

Just take it back and sell it...

Reply

devynnleigh23 | 0

#795645 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:12

aww that's horrible. f your dad for being a dick.

Reply

cucuto89 | 0

#795927 - Sunday 24 January 2010 18:29

Take it back and eat it

Reply

nam3 | 0

#795930 - Sunday 24 January 2010 18:33

maybe crap stands for Cool Really Awesome Presents

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#798585 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 0:12

That's exactly what it stands for.

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#858688 - Monday 15 February 2010 17:44

WTF?

Reply

nolasaints | 0

#871454 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:33

take it back. throw it at his face and then keep it to yourself or sell it.

Reply

theice | 0

#986478 - Thursday 29 April 2010 6:39

damn it's worth more now. confront your dad on that one. maybe slash a tire or two for being a dick. if you don't want it I'll take it.

By Ajjas013 | 6

#795649 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:15

Maybe he's a soccer fan.

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1364281 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:32

I'll buy it!!

By blazingman311 | 1

#795656 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:18

You got your dad a John Elway autographed football?
FHL

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#795690 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:28

So basically you're trying to say... He's a soccer fan right?

Reply

perdix | 29

#795722 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:38

Maybe. Or he could be in that surprisingly large number of those who have a phobia of horse-toothed people. I'll bet the "Crap" box has a lot of Osmond Family records in it.

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#795727 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:41

LMFAOOOOO. If he really had a phobia, then I'm sure he would of gotten rid of it though. That's a funny phobia. Unless his dad actually values crap... Then his son is just overreacting.

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#795733 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:44

I'd like to add to that. I also noticed OP was at his grandparent's house. Maybe his dad is dead and passed on the football and the grandparents being of the older generation viewed it as crap. Or his dad is a hermit socialist commie who hates America and lives with his mommy.

By blazingman311 | 1

#795658 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:18

.

By TRJADN | 0

#795670 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

TheJapaneseSushi | 18

#2148741 - Friday 4 March 2011 7:03

stupid fucking cunt

Reply

ppeanutbutter | 1

#3524730 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 16:48

its not OP's fault! they thought he

Reply

kenna1717 | 4

#4176946 - Saturday 17 March 2012 6:24

John Elway is not crap!

By rosiegrewup | 0

#795683 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:26

Take it back and sell it on.

Reply

tweetypie | 18

#3230779 - Sunday 4 September 2011 0:07

On what!?!? Tell me please!!! I need to know!!!

By VanessaVander | 2

#795691 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:28

take it back and never get him expensive gifts anymore.

By scotts13 | 2

#795716 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:36

You spent a lot of money on a bit of obscure sports memorabilia. Why? Did your Dad ASK for something like that?

Reply

turdburgers | 0

#795839 - Sunday 24 January 2010 17:39

This. I have to wonder if you bought it because it was hard to get and expensive, or because you genuinely thought he would like it and had shown interest in similar items.

Reply

Yarrachel | 16

#795969 - Sunday 24 January 2010 19:00

I highly doubt he would spend that much money on a present if he didn't think his Dad would like it.

By juli1124 | 0

#795717 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:37

sell it

By bigbearmg | 0

#795755 - Sunday 24 January 2010 16:50

Time to take it back! Why was it at your gp's anyways