Miscellaneous: Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football...

By bibobobonnor - 28/09/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 3 245

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Age difference

I blame the parents

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 461

You deserved it 4 481

By drive thru madness - 25/12/2016 12:15 - United States - Amherst

Today, I was working the drive-thru. Everything was going fine until I handed a customer her order and said, "Happy Holidays". Before she drove off, she yelled, "it's Merry Christmas, bitch" and threw her coffee at the window. I'm Jewish and was trying to be polite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 998

You deserved it 920

By Forge - 11/10/2014 14:43 - United States - Taylor

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 3 461

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 323

You deserved it 3 323

By itsjustmyluck - 09/11/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 250

You deserved it 3 266

By Joy - 16/06/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 002

You deserved it 19 181

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 23:00

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 169

By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 755

You deserved it 27 370

By Sticky floor - 27/07/2018 05:00

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 767

You deserved it 371

By Darkness162000 - 08/01/2010 00:21 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 257

You deserved it 2 107

By AlwaysGottaFML - 20/08/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 464

You deserved it 3 966

By stinkypants - 10/11/2011 03:15 - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 714

You deserved it 11 818

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 357

You deserved it 4 983

By UnicornWaffles - 24/10/2016 01:38 - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 1 018

Deception

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been cheating me out of hundreds of dollars when I finally obtained records of the past year's electric bills, which are in her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 22:00

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 479

By cAPITOLpORN - 23/06/2015 15:57 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 197

You deserved it 2 198

By Sh.H - 23/02/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 771

You deserved it 55 820

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 867

You deserved it 1 195

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 835

You deserved it 2 852

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 875

You deserved it 54 584

NSFW FML

By Fireguy92 - 01/02/2013 04:39 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 413

You deserved it 2 566

By gvmfvr - 08/05/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 100

You deserved it 3 950

By ShowerGirl - 30/04/2013 07:54 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 591

You deserved it 5 666

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 22:55 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 3 107

By JamesFuckingBond - 23/12/2016 21:05 - United States - Burlington

Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 680

You deserved it 1 699

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, while e-mailing my dream college, I noticed you can see other people's profile pictures when I saw a lady I've met before. I've been using this e-mail account to communicate with all the colleges and universities. My profile picture is baby Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 4 286

By jhughes1997 - 17/06/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 770

You deserved it 12 412

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 303

You deserved it 2 927

By penguins - 13/11/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 137

You deserved it 14 659

Officer McGiggles

By ACAB - 16/09/2019 20:00 - Australia

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 210

By prinzess - 09/12/2010 14:20 - Germany

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 051

You deserved it 5 873

By SupposedlyAverage - 27/12/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 215

You deserved it 4 260

By FathersDay - 22/06/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 373

You deserved it 20 981

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 254

You deserved it 40 532

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 17:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 558

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 04:00

Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 253

By TLJ321 - 18/05/2012 07:41

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 601

You deserved it 58 728

Bad boy

By thehaystackerine - 24/06/2020 14:02

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 267

By VDM - 03/06/2013 21:16 - France - Poissy

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 531

You deserved it 8 209

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Top comments

mrahhhhh 21

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 11:56

your dad is weird.

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 11:59

Just sell it on eBay.

mrahhhhh 21

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 11:56

your dad is weird.

Hgielad_720 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 11:57

Haha, what a weirdo! :) sorry op, that sucks though.

cole86 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 13:29

at least he's trying. YDI for being a self. centered jerk.

MissErikaHart 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 14:25

well u kno what u saw so just accept/appreciate the gift

b_anhero 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:25

your dad is your favourite football player. deal with it.

smaginn 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:27

Today, I found out that my father loves me. FML.

libertarian 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:53

#42 I know right? at least he cares.

Dont_Explain 3

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 2:02

Gotta hate those fathers trying to do nice things for their children, the bastards!

KelceyLoves 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 2:42

That's hilarious:). Three cheers for dads with a sense of humour!!

Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 4:36

Dude f*** you! at least he was trying to do something nice for you. so you should just cherish it like it was signed by your fav. player and keep it just to remember the love your father has for you ps. your a dick pps. that's right everyone I have a soul

madarchod 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:26

Does having genuine signature have to do anything with how you will make use of the football? Just take the ball and play

rawrgoesthedinos_fml 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 12:13

Hannah Montanna anyone?

iHOOT4Hooters 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 21:39

Hopefully he didn't sign it as Ben Roethlisberger. If he did, then your mom could be in trouble!

cupsie89 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 0:26

WIN. High five for watching Hannah Montana! =D

damoDYNAMITE 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 11:19

YDI for liking football xD

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 11:59

Just sell it on eBay.

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:43

I don't know. I wasn't there.

missmurderx 8

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 13:17

I was there.

Freeberry 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:20

was he high

xNateTheGreatx 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:26

I don't know I wasn't there.

Schizomaniac 24

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 15:58

I was there.

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:08

was he high?

Passant_fml 3

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:44

Was i here ?

bizzy3000 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:55

was he high?

nond2nv 4

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:16

Yes.

moogzorz 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 0:08

lmaoo

Ben360 6

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 6:28

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

AlyWallyy 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:03

I wouldn't really say it an fml.. just suck it up or take it as a joke

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:03

whaha, at least he tried :')

nond2nv 4

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:07

I know, right? It's not like OP is gonna try to sell it, so he should just let it go.

that_guy_ollie 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:08

he tried so pretend for his sake u didnt see him :)

Rubybabeexx 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:08

BAHAHAHAHAHAH thats really wierdd....but funny. hahahahahahahaha

Graawr 7

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:13

I think it's cute too. XD

LilToosh 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 12:18

haha awe he was just tryin to make it special :) why do you gotta ruin the gift by sayin something lol if he says he got it signed then he got it signed :) one way or another, but who needs all the details lol