Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML
Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML
Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML
Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML
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Top comments
MonkeySpeaks 4
Honestly, have you not learned to never take out your wallet or show how much cash you have on the streets? Thats just basic.
Bubs_fml 0
Gotta watch out for that Falcon Punch. Even homeless women can do it.
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Comments (213)
f0rged 0
Exactly the reason why I never give out money to hobos and such. Walked downtown Detroit many a night and the worst I've ever had was a woman giving me a "lecture" for having two-tone hair..
drimpossible 0
You saw you are 6'2"... How much do you weigh? The fact that the assailant it is a female means that she is much weaker than a man of the same weight (lower testosterone leads to lower muscle mass)... so 70, 76: You are comparing some bum, either on crack, drunk or with mental health issues with very likely a poor diet with somebody who works out regularly... it is not really valid comparison. Although bums have viciousness. I didn't know Muay Thai gave master's rankings.... thought it was just an honorific. Where are you training?
sanjid 0
PWNED!
Nakedsquirrel 5
You're supposed to pick up these basic street smarts when dealing with bullies on the playground and in the neighborhood. As a kid. It shouldn't take an adult to realise that taking out a wallet full of cash in front of a bum (or on the street, period) is just asking for trouble. When a bum asks you for money, you deny having any. You won't go to hell and you'll avoid stupid ******* scenarios like this one.
MajorLeeScrewed 0
Never give bums money.
Trooth 13
just doesn't sound true..
MaCherie_fml 0
The people who've been saying "lololol u got beaten up by a little woman wut a pussy" seriously need to go back and read comment #18. Really, if he tried to defend himself and she decides to turn around and go to the police with some sob story, claiming that *he* is the one that attacked *her*, who do you think the police is going to believe? But exposing your wallet? YDI.
drimpossible 0
98, They would probably believe him...
thequeenofscots 0
Sorry you got robbed, but uh, why are you pulling out your wallet in front of a bum? Trying to be nice, yeah, but it's basic city knowledge that you only give change to bums when you have it readily available. Or, if you have to give it to them, go inside a store, take out the money, and then go back to them. They'll probably still be there and you won't get robbed.
MaCherie_fml 0
#99--Now that I think about it, yeah they would, if they found the money on her. Either way, some men are too scared to defend themselves against female assailants for that reason.