By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 04:51 - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML
I agree, your life sucks 17 996
You deserved it 46 286

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It doesn't matter how many times you had sex, there's always a possibility of pregnancy! Have you never heard of 'wrap it before you tap it'?

Condoms are easier to change than diapers.

Comments

It doesn't matter how many times you had sex, there's always a possibility of pregnancy! Have you never heard of 'wrap it before you tap it'?

No glove, no love!

Condoms are easier to change than diapers.

Don't be silly, wrap your willy !

JayChuckles 4

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if you think she's spunky wrap your monkey

Don't be daft, wrap your shaft.

thundershot 6

Cover your stump before you hump.

iLOLatURpain69 7

Dont be a dummy, cum on her tummy.

nicole86 8

Better wrap it in latex before she gets your paychecks...

KBear3109 29

Okay, these a just getting ridiculous now.

Look what you created #1.

Shadow_Phantom 26

These were entertaining to read, good show! (Sadly I have nothing to add.) Well OP... life's a bitch. That really sucks, but hopefully it all works out in your favor. Best of luck.

uJelly24 1

For a second I thought 1 was going to say 'doesn't matter,had sex'.

101 - And then you had to go and say it. Just great. Thanks.

Doesn't matter had sex

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

When visiting Venus, dress up your penis.

116) good job copying 44s pun. Come up with your own next time mate.

MerrikBarbarian 9

Even condoms can fail. Lower odds but still. Any time you have sex it's possible unless you've gone the surgery route :p Still my guess is op didn't use anything and deserves this

Don't be a dud, wrap your spud!

OP must be a kid if he thinks having sex once can't get a girl pregnant.

135 is right. My parents were using a condom when I was conceived. Sometimes you can't hold back nature...

Blacksabbath211 9

Maybe he was just mentioning how bad his odds were o.0 Although of he was going raw dog he is still an idiot.

I've can't stop laughing at these comments XD

Even then, vasectomies sometimes don't 'take' or they grow back. Happened to one guy I know. (Who was fortunately happily married and he and his wife were prepared to raise the kid that resulted. Yes, it was his.)

162 - my mother and her two sisters were all diaphragm babies (her older sister was diaphragm + condom) My father's two youngest brothers were condom babies.

Only abstinence is 100%. Even vasectomies can fail, although the majority of the time, they don't. I know someone who had a vasectomy at age 27 (he already had 3 kids) and his has yet to fail.

Wonder if he had to drive many miles for that vertical smile or many a click to wet his dick. Or many kilometers to wet his John Peter.

Don't let your affection give her an infection, put some protection on your erection!

"When in doubt, pull out"

Wrap it or fap it.

Yeah and the girl is probably a bitch

Cover your dick before you stick. Don't go bare in her unless you plan to marry her.

You can't go wrong when you wrap your schlong

Use some latex, so you don't get that "I'm late" text.

Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool

Only morons don't wrap their hard-ons

tjohnson19 6

Sex can wait Masturbate

TheDrifter 23

If you want to protect it, wrap it up. (Slogan from old Trojan condom ads)

Dont be a prick, wrap that dick. Can be use by switching prick/ dick as well

Bitch girls deserve it. As they say: she's an idiot. Get an other girl for when this one gets fat.

beelee1988 13

Safe sex is great sex. Better wear a latex. 'Cause you don't want that late text, that says "I think I'm late" text.

Yinky 6

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KBear3109 29

28- That's horribly crude. It's not her fault he didn't wear a condom.

xStaciexLynnx 15

Kind of is. Women can refuse to have sex if the man doesn't have a condom.

She's just as responsible. It takes two to tango.

KBear3109 29

While that's true, it still doesn't give him the right to try to force her to get an abortion, or throw her down the stairs. That's absolutely vile.

"Congrats"? More like "Good luck!"

28) while that is a very cruel thing to say I found it hysterical in that text XD

You know women should have condoms with them 2 , its not just the males fault , if u dont want to get preggers then tell him to wrap it up ...

40- it doesn't say anywhere that he didn't wear one. Not saying she should be thrown down the stairs or anything, just saying that he very well could have

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Good point 40, stairs are kinda messy and that might break stuff in the house. Try poison.

KBear3109 29

143- Hilarious.

dethbunny 0

142 - Are you really saying religious people are perfect, they don't feel desires toward each other until they are married or other bullshit? Atheism or religion are not to blame for her getting pregnant, it was just two stupid people having sex. Not that caring for a life you created is a bad idea. People should take responsibility for their actions, but hinting that religion is good and atheism is "the devils religion" or some crap is just ignorant of other peoples beliefs On another note, good luck OP. your going to need it...

156 - The entire point of that rant was to state that whether you're religious or not, it's still wrong. I try really hard to cover all of my bases when I say something that could be misconstrued as me being a foot-washing Jesus Freak. Should have figured that by using the word "God" in my comment that i'd pretty much thrown that idea to the wind as a point of novelty. So there you have it 156, we're arguing pretty much the same point; albeit against each other.

Colonel_Lexi 18

142- Do NOT dictate one's decision simply because it goes against YOUR beliefs. Not everyone shares the same religious view, and their decision is none of your business. Besides, you don't know the entire situation, what if OP's girlfriend has some medical condition that renders her unable to carry the fetus full term? What if she has a medical condition that could create birthing complications and potentionally kill her?

KBear3109 29

171- In special circumstances I could understand. Having an abortion because you chose not to use birth control is disturbing. It should NOT be considered a birth control method and should only be used in severe circumstances.

DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND THAT THE STAIRS THING WAS A JOKE?

KBear3109 29

186- It was a sick joke.

165: What if you've been raped? Should you have to carry around that reminder?

All of you need to get a fucking sense of humor. Where the hell do you think you are? This is FML. This is the internet. Sure it wasn't a good joke, but that's no reason to go all tight-assed on us and have yourselves a damn religious / pro-life debate over a comment that could have been posted by a 12 year old. Now I consider myself very religious but there's a time and a place and FML is not it.

peachyFML 17

171 Thank you! Once a baby is conceived, I don't see how it's any different than murdering a newborn, a child, or an adult.

214 - it isn't my place to get into the whole rape debate: as a guy my opinion really doesn't pertain here. It would be like me giving my opinion on nomadism to a turtle. 171 - you obviously didn't read half of what i said. Try this: read what i said again, only this time hold your thumb in front of the word "God".

TxCountryGal09 2

No. Women get birth control. Men get condoms. If you don't want to get pregnant then both people in the relationship are responsible for using their own protection together.

220) conception= mass of approximately 2 cells. Newborn= fully functioning human. Scientifically there is a difference and please keep your personal opinions to yourself or at least express them without condemning the opposing argument. Thank you :)

TheDrifter 23

How about this, she gets the first 9 months to decide if she wants it, he gets the next 9 to decide if he does. If he doesn't, no strings attached, just post term abort it or be civilized and leave it with the mother. Why should she be the only one with any choices after conception, for all we know she poked holes in his condom and now essentially owns him for 2 decades.

That's fucked up

The stairs thing was a joke! No abortion debates on FML!! It's lame and misplaced. You're not going to change minds or win points. This is for laughs, not political debate and discourse. Go to Fox news if you want to rag on abortion.

seems you should've been more specific.

nirvi 3

What a way to know your gf is pregnant.. I am sure you will be a good father!!

Termites 15

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sierra142 19

Yes, because that's always the right thing to do. Moron.

missamerica95 0

People with that mentality make me sick.

Hey, I just fucked you, and this is crazy. So delete my number, and keep the baby. Didn't work?.... Ok I'll just go sit back in my usual corner :/

Those are probably the worst two words in this situation.

Are you fucking kidding me?Grow up!!!!

afallingstar 22

If the guy is immature maybe it's best he run away...I spent 12 years with a man who stayed out of obligation because he got me pregnant, and it sucked

Wow that's actually a really sad story 30, my friend had similar problems. The bitch mother dumped the baby at his front door and he has never heard from her again, it's been 5 years and the poor little blonde haired girl has never seen her mother. So it's not only men that are not cut out to be parents.

My father didn't want anything to do with me either; my mother raised me all by herself. It must have been really tough for her and for that she's a DIAMOND mother. I don't blame my father either; would much rather he had nothing to do with me than to have him walking in and out of my life and causing my mom hassle. Just my view.

You sir are a dick weasel

mintyfressh 0

Dick

22cute 17

107 - I agree & know just what you mean. My ex stayed in his daughters' lives by dragging us through the courts for years, making up lies to the judge, stealing them away from me repeatedly, cursing me out in front of them, neglecting them & leaving them in his house alone for years. He finally gave up when I found out his Dad was molesting them. They love their Dad, but their lives would have been better if he just abandoned them when we split up. I used to pray he would.

OMG #178! You and your kids have been through hell and back! Really hope the future is brighter for you all as no one deserves that sort of treatment.

22cute 17

Thank you!! I just won full custody. Things are looking up. The worst was I couldn't talk about it because of my position in the community. That & the fact that the judge, evaluator, and lawyers were completely corrupt here.

So much for the conservatives, who long for the 1950s when people "had to get married" if the woman got pregnant. Yeah, let's create a bunch of unwanted children who are the product of unhappy marriages.

TheDrifter 23

Unhappy yes, but cared for and thats what matters. My parents couldn't stand each other, but they ignored each other and helped raise the children, dysfunctional, with a heavy dose of ill concealed adultery, but no court battles, shouting matches or slum apartments. This is why I say men should get a grace period after birth to choose. Be a parent or never come back, no obligation. The mother got hers, why force the father to live with it?

The "father" has the same options that the "mother" has. He just has less time to make his decision. If he's not carrying the pregnancy in his uterus he does not get to decide whether it stays there or not. Once the sperm meets the egg he's obligated to look after the resulting child (as is the mother whether by having an abortion or by carrying it to term and adopting it or keeping it).

tony1891 22

congratulations. =)

Way to go bucko, what happened to the days when kids would steal their fathers condoms for sex?

You forgot to pull out didn't you?

Even if you pull out, there is still a possibility that she will get knocked up. Semen doesn't only come out when you ejaculate.

Are you retarded?

Are you? He's right, all guys dribble before they shoot. Hence "pulling out" not being an accepted contraception measure.

merryhappy1887 20

YDI, it only takes one time dumb ass.

...You deserve to be burdened with a child for the rest of your life, and not only this but have your girlfriend notify you with an impersonal text message, all because you think it's quite unlikely that you'll get her pregnant the first time you have sex (with or without protection as this was never even mentioned)? A little over the top, dontcha think?

I recon she deserves it! Just run away! Haha you're lucky enough to be the man.

235- i hope for humanity's sake you never have children

Haha i have no idea and don't give a fuck! Just wanna have fun! I'm not a girl!

One time is enough dumbass

Next time, put on your raincoat before you take a shower.