Intimacy: Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject...

By Fucked - 24/01/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 761

You deserved it 13 720

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/03/2015 08:55 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 937

You deserved it 2 657

You have been warned

By PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 302

You deserved it 6 584

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 580

You deserved it 47 163

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 639

You deserved it 86 669

By fucklife - 16/04/2013 18:13 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 521

You deserved it 5 203

By rowie1311 - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 567

You deserved it 31 050

By BlackPolarbear - 23/01/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 127

You deserved it 29 734

By kill me - 30/09/2018 03:00

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 919

You deserved it 2 415

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 707

You deserved it 78 240

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 868

You deserved it 4 876

Doortje 29

Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:56

If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?

singer4life666 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:51

I guess you aren't going over there ever.

Comments

0D0R0 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:36

The OP probably has a ******.

maybaybe 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:32

And what makes you say that?

Alexxcunningham 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:39

back your shit up boy!

Danny_B 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:41

I smell a new Parental Control episode :P

teeheegirl17 5

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:55

lmao.(:

sallen0046 4

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:49

So you've threatened physical harm your girlfriend's father based on the idea that he could possibly at some point physically harm her... Do you see the irony here? You don't get to go around hurting other people simply because they've hurt someone else. That makes you no better than them. In fact, it probably makes you worse because you initially realized there's something wrong about physically harming another and then you went and did it anyway.

WonkyMunkee 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:20

Normally people call it being Self-Righteous, possibly a reverse martyr.

macskapingvin 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:43

Yes, and normally self-righteousness and wannabe martyrdom are considered BAD traits. Violence does not jusitify violence, IN ANY SITUATION.

fthku 13

Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:20

If someone is violently chasing you with an axe, you should probably respond violently as well. And you should also probably hope he doesn't hack you up with it.

macskapingvin 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 21:08

Sorry, I meant to write escalating violence.

fthku 13

Tuesday 25 January 2011 22:04

You also meant to write justify. Or maybe you MEANT to type jusitify, hmm?!

sallen0046 4

Wednesday 26 January 2011 0:59

It's one thing if someone is chasing you with an axe, literally trying to hack you to bits. It would be considered self-defense, and therefore justifiable homicide. It's another thing entirely to respond violently to the mere idea of a possible threat, or to cause harm to another based on a threat.

fthku 13

Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:12

If based on just an idea it's not just "not justfiable", it's stupid. However, if I knew my girlfriend had an abusive father- especially in a case where there couldwould be no police involved- yes, I would resort to violence, unless I could get her out of the house. Hypothetically speaking of course, since my girlfriend's father is not abusive and we're not teenagers either.. but you get the point.

SnoochBoochie 14

Wednesday 6 February 2013 15:22

Strange arguement..

mdkid 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:51

shouldn't have said anything if you didn't mean it

maybaybe 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:53

What a strange dad, but anyway OP, it's sweet that you're looking out for your girlfriend, but to say that you'll cut her dad's dick off is ridiculous.